That's Why You Have Backup
by brookesdavis
Summary: A series of Erin/Jay oneshots based on dialogue prompts.
1. I Miss This, I Miss You

**I'm back guys! And I'm super excited about this!**

**I've wanted to do a oneshot collection for a while, but I've finally decided to do it based on dialogue prompts. That means hopefully (if you guys are willing) you'll submit some speech as part of a review, and I'll write a oneshot surrounding it.**

**I'll try and write as quickly as I can, and hopefully I'll get to do all that are sent in. **

**Since it's the first one, I'm kicking it off with the dialogue prompt: "I miss this. I miss you."**

**I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, I don't own Chicago PD.**

* * *

It was a colder night than Chicago was used to, and that was saying something. The cold was normally so fierce that it would chill Erin to the bone, and she'd find herself shivering through the night. It was a cold that felt permanent. But it was also a cold that felt comforting. Chicago was the city that she made it in; and every icy breeze reminded her of that.

A bad thing about poor weather was the lack of parking though. Normally, Lindsay would find a spot easily outside of Molly's, less than a two minute walk to the bar she'd become so accustomed to. However when the air was as sharp as this, she found herself driving around aimlessly, every point of pavement taken up by vehicles. She'd driven for nearly twenty minutes, before finally settling on a side street four blocks away.

She strode through the cold to the bar, and sighed with content at the blast of warm air that greeted her as she entered. Maybe it was the temperature, or maybe it was the sight.

There was something strangely beautiful about her unit gathering round shots of tequila, carefree and hopeful. The heaviness of the day was lifting, and as Erin approached her colleagues, she could feel the spirit in her lifting too.

She took the stool opposite Halstead with certainty, as though that's where she belonged. Maybe because she did. As she pulled the beanie from her head, her eyes flickered momentarily to her partner, feeling something else flicker inside of her at the light smile he gave.

"'Bout time you got here, Lindsay." Ruzek said, handing Erin a shot barely before she had gotten her coat off her body. She held the cool glass and looked around, a smile creeping upon her lips unconsciously.

Adam cleared his throat before speaking again. "What are we toasting to?"

Next to Lindsay, Antonio slumped in his stool, the shot glass toying between his fingertips. His jaw was hard and his eyes unfocused, and he barely reacted as Erin rubbed a hand along his shoulder with comfort. Lindsay noted Jay watching Dawson, his eyes heavy. Laura had taken the kids and left - That's about as much as the unit knew. Even with such little information though, Erin knew that Antonio didn't have much to toast to.

"To us." Jay said, a thickness to his voice as he lifted his shot glass up to the centre of the table. Dawson swigged the glass back without a word, but as he slammed it to the table, his eyes looked slightly brighter.

A smile tugged on Erin's lips as she looked up to her partner. She clinked their shot glasses together, and the words barely escaped her throat: "To us." She knocked back the sharp liquid, savouring the burning that ran through her.

* * *

"I'm calling it a night," Ruzek groaned after he took the last swig from his pint glass.

It was 11:30, and even Erin had to admit she was exhausted. She bid goodbye to Adam and took a sip from her beer, before looking around absently and taking in the lack of colleagues. They had wittled down slowly, and Erin didn't realise it was only her and Halstead left.

Finally, without anyone there, Erin could finally look at Jay. Really look at him.

Mid-yawn, he ran a hand through his hair, tousling it slightly. His eyes looked cloudier than usual, and the bags beneath them were evident. Then again, exhaustion was part of the job description. Erin didn't think there was a day when she got home and didn't feel her body ache when she crawled into bed. His stubble was just as rough as usual, and his jawline was sharp.

When Halstead finally ended his everlasting yawn, he gave Erin a lazy smile and rested his head in one hand.

"Guess it's just me and you, huh?"

"I guess so."

His eyes were soft, yet far too intense for Erin. It was the burning she couldn't take, the way she felt like she could melt to a puddle when he looked at her. So instead she took a sip from the rim of her beer and averted her gaze. Or at least tried, until a low chuckling from Jay caused her to snap her gaze upwards.

"What?" She asked, her brow furrowing.

"Nothing." He said, trying to compose himself and wipe the smile from his lips.

"Come on, tell me."

"You just," His smile broke out again as he shuffled on his seat. "You've got a little..." He motioned around his lips, while his eyes crinkled as he smiled.

"Oh god," Erin grumbled as she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, the foam from the top of her beer gathering on her skin. "Thanks a lot, Halstead."

He was laughing again; real laughing. The kind of belly laughing that made your whole stomach hurt after a few seconds. It was contagious actually, and Erin couldn't help but but chuckle with him.

* * *

They left a little after midnight with their jaws aching from smiling and their shoulders knocking as they left the bar. The wind was even colder, but Erin's cheeks were warm and red from the alcohol, and she could barely feel it.

"I'm this way," Erin motioned down the street.

Jay paused for a second. Erin watched the breath leave his mouth. "I'll walk you."

She didn't need to be walked to her car, she could defend herself in a heartbeat. And she knew her partner knew that. Yet when she willed herself to decline his offer, she simply couldn't. Maybe she wanted another ten minutes by his side. Maybe she wasn't ready to say goodnight.

Erin's beanie was already on her head, but as the walked for a few seconds she pulled it further down, feeling the bitterness on her ears. Her hands were stuffed into her leather jacket, and Jay, his.

They walked side by side, nothing but the occasionally touching of their elbows that sent something through Lindsay every time she felt it.

"How come you're out tonight, anyway?" Jay asked, breaking the silence. "Isn't Friday date night?"

It always felt strange when they discussed Kelly, it put Erin in an awkward position. She felt the pull of her work partner, but commitment of her life partner. Everything felt a lot more complicated than it was.

"No, he's working." She felt Jay nod beside her and prayed he wouldn't say anything else about it; everything about their time together felt so limited already. She didn't want to spend their time talking about her boyfriend, as bizarre as that sounded.

"What about you?" She nudged her elbow out, locking it with Jays's. "No big date?"

Their steps echoed on the sidewalk, the wind whirling around them.

He snorted at her question. "I'm not really the dating kind of guy." She didn't believe it for a second. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of damaged goods."

He finally turned to look at her, and she flashed him a sad smile. "Yeah," She started slowly. "Me too."

Maybe that's what brought them together in the widest sense - Their brokenness.

They walked in silence for a few more steps before Erin spoke. "How's Antonio doing?"

Jay sighed and shook his head slightly. "Not good. I mean he's trying... But it's tough on him." Erin nodded. She felt better about the situation knowing Jay was there for Dawson. Now that she thought of it, Jay seemed to be there for everyone.

"See, this is why I'm not in a relationship." Jay said. "Everything that happened with Dawson... It just shows that boys rule, girls drool." With a light chuckle, Erin pushed his shoulder before shoving her hand back in her jacket pocket before the cold sunk into her skin.

"Yeah, that's why you haven't settled down." Erin scoffed, dropping her head to the ground as they walked. "It has nothing with the kind of girls you date." She could taste the bitterness on her own tongue.

"Is that jealousy I hear?" The amusement was evident in his voice. It made Erin smile.

"You wish." She nudged him playfully, biting her lip for the next few steps they took until her grin faded to the slightest smile.

"Hey," He nudged her shoulder back, capturing her attention. "I miss this. I miss you."

They reached her car before she even realised, but she had words thick on her tongue.

"I miss you too." She told him with a smile, now aware of how close they were. The corner of his mouth twitched at his words while he reached out his fingers to tug on either side of her beanie, pulling it down slightly.

She felt the breath escape her lungs as Jay's hands remained on either side of her face. His smile was telling her something but she couldn't figure it out. Then, after what felt like forever, he let go and stepped backwards, the smile never fading as he walked.

"Goodnight." He spoke through the darkness as he battled against inner thoughts and walked away.

_Yeah,_ Erin thought as she watched him leave. _It really was._

* * *

**This was pretty bad and I'm not all too proud of it, but I just wanted something to start with! Please tell me what you thought, but more importantly, please send in some dialogue prompts!**


	2. I Chose You, I Need You

**Thanks to everyone who read and favourited/reviewed and/or followed my first chapter! I really appreciate the response.**

**Recognition for this chapter's prompt goes to jaelyn2001, thanks for sending it in! I kind of went to town on this one, but hey, it's been a long hiatus.**

_**"I chose you, I need you."**_

* * *

Erin and Jay spent their Friday night like they did most evenings; balled up on Jay's couch watching football with a beer in the hand of each detective and a bowl of chips between them. The game was all tied up, and with Lindsay's favourite player on the run with only seconds from the end, she was pretty pumped.

"Yes, yes, yes, go on, oh my god," She chanted, leaning forward on the couch with her eyes wide. Beside her, Jay was grimacing at the screen, already sighing before the game had officially ended. "TOUCHDOWN!" She squealed, matching the excitement from the stadium shown on Jay's television.

"You owe me twenty bucks." She said, a satisfied smile spreading across her lips. While the screams form the television set died down, Erin sunk back into the couch and took a long sip from her beer, the smile on her face never fading.

With a sigh, Jay grabbed a twenty from his back pocket and handed his partner the note, making a mental note to be more careful when betting against Erin Lindsay in the future.

"Like taking candy from a baby," Erin chuckled, pocketing the money.

Jay picked up his beer from the table and leaned back too, his shoulder knocking against Erin's. After picking up the remote from the arm of the couch, he began flicking through the channels, trying to settle on something to watch.

As Erin gulped, she found a channel she liked. She nudged Jay, urging him drop the remote. "I love this movie, leave it on."

His face creased up as he turned to her. "No way," He snorted, flicking past generic action movie Erin wanted. "You picked the movie last night. My TV. My turn."

Erin groaned. "If you're picking, it's gonna be The Notebook, or Love Actually. You're such a girl."

"Please, if we had it your way we'd be watching The Godfather on repeat constantly." Jay said, feeling Erin chuckling slightly beside him.

"The Godfather is a classic!" She was laughing hard now, thinking of all the times she sat watching Jay's reaction to one of her favourite movies. She thought of his look of boredom as she re-watched and re-watched, loving the movie just as much as the first time she watched it.

"Let me ask you something," Jay said, humour in his voice as he turned to face her directly. "When you were staying with Voight, did you two watch that every night? Was it like a ritual or something?"

The image was vivid in Jay's mind; a seventeen year old Erin and younger Voight, gathered round a television set watching The Godfather. He smiled at the thought. Erin smiled at his smile.

"Jealous?" She laughed, taking another sip of her beer as he cocked an eyebrow.

"Of sitting with Voight for two hours in silence every night? You bet."

She bit her lip to control her laughter, and he couldn't help but drop his gaze to it. Her dimples popped in front of him. When he finally looked back up to her eyes she looked serious. Her eyes were soft though, and he thought she might be seconds from saying something important.

Anything pulsing in her mind was instantly scared away however at the sound of her phone ringing. She tensed up slightly as she reached out on the table to retrieve it.

A sigh slipped from Jay's lips unconsciously. He didn't have to look at Erin's phone to see Kelly's caller ID to see who it was. It happened nearly every night she was at his apartment; she'd get a call from him when he finished work, then she'd meet him at her place. Only the call she got that night was earlier than usual. He thought he had more time.

His head was somewhere else when she stood up and grabbed her deep purple leather jacket from the side of the couch, shrugging it onto her shoulders and over the top of a plain white v-neck shirt. He heard keys rattling as she held them in her hand, but he forced himself not to look at her.

Next he heard Erin sigh. "Could you just, for once, not make that face when I leave?"

"Could you, for once, not leave." The bluntness of his words caught her off guard. It caught him off guard too.

She was stood up looking down at him, while Jay looked up at her. His eyes were hard and steady, begging for her to say something. For a slight second, he even though she might take off her jacket and sink back down next to him, stealing a pull of his beer and beginning to eat most of the chips. Then reality kicked in.

"He's my boyfriend, Jay."

"And what am I?" He knew he was taking them onto dangerous territory but he couldn't stop the words from flowing. "Just some time to kill?"

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, exhausted. "What do you want me to do here?"

"I want you to stay."

It was getting intense, both of them knew it. She wasn't out the door, which was something, but she still didn't seem any closer to resuming their night of movies and alcohol.

"What are you really asking me here?" Erin asked. "Just say it."

Jay stood up and took a step closer to her. "I'm asking you to make a choice." He saw her eyes flicker at his words. He wondered where all this courage had came from. His voice suddenly grew softer as he continued. "I'm asking you to end the night with the same guy you started it with."

He saw the same look in her eye as the night of her reunion, when they spent the hours talking through her past and toasting to the future. It was a look he rarely saw, but when he did he cherished every millisecond of it.

That look was swept away in an instant. Her face instantly grew hard as she dropped her gaze to the floor.

"I can't do this right now." So she did what she always did; dismissed any acknowledgement of their chemistry and connection and walked away before he could convince her otherwise.

As the door to his apartment slammed, Jay wondered if maybe that was the last time he and Erin would hang out for a long while.

* * *

He didn't watch The Notebook and he didn't watch Love Actually. He cleared away the beers and poured himself a double scotch before residing to the couch. He wanted to watch a movie and he had only one in mind.

He sat through The Godfather and tried to watch it, but he couldn't. All he could think about was what an idiot he was; how he'd ruined anything between himself and his closest friend.

He tried not to think of Erin Lindsay but failed miserably. Every time he glanced at the clock, the mental image of her and Severide became vivid and sickly in his brain.

The movie eventually drew to a close, as did any dwindling hope that maybe when he went into work on Monday everything would be normal.

With a heavy sigh and heavier heart, Jay turned off the TV and took a final burning sip of his scotch before setting it on the table and heading slowly towards his room. He wanted to sleep it off; all of it.

He barely reached his bedroom door frame however before a soft rapping on the front door caught his attention. He almost thought of ignoring it, but then a second round of knocking hit the door seconds later. He lazily dragged his body to the noise, not even bothering to look through the peep hole before swinging the door open.

There she stood; red eyed and tired, but just the same as earlier that night. His face froze, stunned at her showing up on his doorstep at 1am.

She didn't say anything and neither did he. So they stood through the late night darkness with too much to say but not enough courage to say it.

"You..." Her voice trailed off, but Jay noted how soft she sounded. Not like her usual tough self. She sounded vulnerable. "You told me to make a choice. So I did. I chose you. I'll always choose you. Every day, every minute... Every second. I'll always choose you, Jay. I chose _you_. I need _you._"

Her eyes were watery and glacy by the time she'd finished, and she barely had any breath left. It was fine though, because Jay Halstead gave her all the breath she needed.

In one fluid movement, he stepped forward and brought both his hands to either side of her face, drawing her in for a hard kiss. She went limp in his arms; the heat from his lips seemed to melt her down.

Her fingertips gripped loosely at the material of his shirt at the waist, trying to desperately to hold onto something she'd been pushing away for so long. He tilted her head upwards to deepen the kiss. She tasted him and craved it in excess. A moan escaped her throat and he caught it in his, the pressure of his lips slowly decreasing to a stop. He peeled his lips from hers slowly, their foreheads still touching.

He finally looked down on her, and she gave him that look he rarely saw. A smile escaped his lips as he leaned down to kiss her again, but not before whispering an important "I'll always choose you too."

* * *

**Like I said, I kind of got carried away, haha! Please leave a review and tell me what you thought, and don't forget to send in your dialogue prompts!**


	3. We Should Just Stop Doing This?

**[EDIT: I accidentally uploaded the wrong doc file, so that's why there was a little mistake. Thank you to everyone who let me know, you guys rock!]**

**Thank you everyone who left a review/favourited! Sorry this took a while, I've been rewriting this for a while. (Still not happy with it, but I'm hoping I'll get better as I go on.) **

**This great prompt goes to EmilyMay93, thanks for sending it in! I like the idea of doing these prompts because I think it's great to experiments with different interpretations, which I hope you'll see here. I didn't want to necessarily go for the obvious, so I hope you still enjoy this!**

**In terms of a timeline, I'll just say it's sometimes after 1x06, but before Kelly and Erin start dating.**

_**"Do you ever think we should just stop doing this?"**_

* * *

Jay sat at the table, twiddling his thumbs as his date picked at the vegetables on her plate. She was blonde and perfect. -Well, on paper she was.

Her hair was light on her shoulders and feathered round her pixie face, features so soft she looked almost doll-like. Jay couldn't deny he'd observed her figure when they walked in the restaurant together, and that was far from a bad sight, too. So in the looks department, Laura was a great catch.

Except the fact there was zero chemistry between them. A mild sexual attraction faded away instantly at the lack of substance in their conversation, leaving Halstead simply bored as he stared down aimlessly at the empty plate of lobster.

Finally, after a long, dull silence, Jay's saving grace pulled him out of the depths of boredom. He muttered a polite "sorry" as he retrieved the ringing device from his pocket.

"Yeah." He answered bluntly, his gaze looking down slightly.

"Okay, it's ten. You didn't text me so I'm guessing you're still looking for an out?" Erin's voice was comforting in his ear.

"Oh my god," He started, playing out his part well. It was something he'd been practising a lot recently, and believed he was getting fairly good at it. It wasn't exactly ethical, but he guessed it was a lot nicer than flat out leaving his date in the middle of dinner. "Okay, I'm coming right now. Yeah, I'll be right there."

Jay hit the 'end call' button on his phone and shoved it back into his pocket quickly. "I'm really sorry." He said, a little genuine. "There's been a flood at my apartment..."

"No, it's fine. You should go!" Laura exclaimed quickly, dropping her fork as Jay stood up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you should go."

After muttering another apology, Jay left the table with his jacket in hand. As he passed the maitre d he paid the bill, not before looking back at his date with the hint of a grimace as he thought of his actions. Laura appeared to be pleasantly finishing her meal, so Jay was out the door without another second to waste.

His foot hit the concrete and a rush of cool air hit his face, waking him up slightly. He slid on his leather jacket over his dress shirt and sunk his hands into his jeans pocket as he strode down the street.

He felt bad about lying to his date - Not as bad as the first time he'd ditched out early, but still there was something in the pit of his stomach that told him what he was doing wasn't right. But then he saw Erin paying for the two hotdogs she was holding at the stand on the corner of the street, and nothing else seemed to matter.

"Woah, that was like thirty minutes." She commented, walking towards him and handing him one of the hotdogs slathered in ketchup and mustard, just how he always had it. "All time record."

"Thirty minutes? Felt like hours." Jay said. They walked side by sound down the street, the smell of hotdogs masking the air around them. Jay could still smell his partner's perfume though.

"Come on, she was cute. It couldn't have been that bad."

"Trust me." He said, taking another bite. "The silence was torture."

"Well," Erin started, knocking her shoulder against Jay's. "At least it's picking up now, right?"

"Yeah, a little." Maybe he'd never tell her how much better a Chicago hot dog with her in darkness was than an intricate dinner in an expensive restaurant. Maybe he'd never tell her how he always waited for her call either.

"A little? I know I'm the best part of your night, Halstead."

"In your dreams, Lindsay."

They walked in comfortable silence for a little while. The breeze picked up and Jay noticed how Erin had moved a little closer to him in their wandering. He wasn't complaining.

Erin finished her hot dog first and tossed the napkin in a passing trashcan, soon followed by Jay's. They didn't always eat hot dogs after his failed dates, but it had been a recent favourite. They ate their fast food, made a slow walk back to Erin's car and spent a couple of hours at her place.

"How was the food?" Erin asked after a few minutes, tucking her hands into her pockets seeking warmth.

"Amazing." Jay noted, a small smile taking the side of his mouth. "The pasta was incredible." He waited a few seconds before speaking again, collecting his words and relaying them with caution. "We should go there one night."

Erin stopped walking, seemingly frozen. It's what Jay was afraid of. "You mean... You mean like a date?"

He exhaled and looked at the ground, feeling everything going crumbly for a moment. "No. No, I meant-" He didn't know what he meant. He just knew that every time he was sat opposite some woman eating dinner, he wanted more than anything for it to be Erin.

The wind seemed to have picked up in their silent tension, filled with angst and sorrow. Jay grinded his teeth and Erin steadied her jaw.

"Do you ever think we should just stop doing this?" She asked quietly with pain filled eyes.

"What?"

"This." She gestured between them. "Me... Finishing your dates. Don't you think it'd maybe be easier if we just stopped?" She sounded almost exasperated. Jay knew she was thinking of Voight. Of his no-dating-rule that always seemed to pull them back from anything going too far.

They stood under a bright streetlight with nothing but the whirling of a harsh wind encapsulating them. Jay felt his lungs empty with each passing second as he tried to find something to say.

"Smarter? Yeah. But easier? Hell no." He let out a sad smile and relinquished his hands from the comfort of his pockets. "I don't know what this is between us. But I do know that seeing you... It's... I don't know, it's the best part of my day. You're the best part of my day. Always."

The next few seconds lasted forever. Jay wasn't one to let emotions pour out of him, but sometimes he couldn't help it. And after a second, Erin's hardened face seemed to relax, a free smile spreading across her face.

"You're the best part of my day too." Her voice was soft. "Just, don't go asking me on a date anytime soon. Okay?"

He snorted as they carried on walking. "Deal."

Jay was pretty sure the next person he was going on a date with wasn't a tall blond, or some curvy lawyer with a great smile. He was more than sure that she was the detective stood by his side, the very same woman whose no-date-deal he was crazily prepared to break. And for the first time in a while, Jay was excited for his next date.


	4. You'll Hurt Me

**Hey guys, I'm bacccckkkk! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it truly truly makes me so happy!**

**Sorry for the longish update, I actually had quite a lot of this written and then lost it all D': So I apologise if the end isn't too great. I feel like I kind of take these one-shots and write too much, but I honestly get so invested, it's like a sickness haha!**

**Coming up with the plot for this one was actually quite tricky, but I hope you all enjoy how I did it.**

**Thank you to the Bubbly88Tay for submitting this prompt, (I changed the wording slightly I hope that's cool): **

**_"You'll hurt me. You'll hurt everybody, but most importantly, you'll hurt me."_**

* * *

Jay stared into contents of an empty refrigerator for far longer than humanly normal. With each second his stomach growled louder, and he was beginning to regret slacking on his grocery shopping recently. Unless he could whip something up from a strip of bacon and a drizzle of questionable milk, he was going to need to order takeout.

Just on queue, Jay's phone rang out from across the room. As he made his way over he already had a dinner in mind - Pizza from across the street. Assuming it was Erin calling before he even reached his phone, Jay knew that his partner had his pizza order memorised, so he would simply beg her to drop by with the hot food as soon as she could.

Surprisingly, he saw a different name on the screen. Even more surprisingly, he hesitated before taking the call. That wasn't something he normally did when it came to Allie Corson.

"Allie, hey." Her name still sounded strange on his tongue, even after all these years. Even after all they'd been through.

They'd speak over the phone every few weeks, or every time she took a trip back to Chicago to visit her parents. Sometimes their conversations were filled with silent voids, aching hearts still brokenly beating over a murder that happened seven years ago. But sometimes they'd talk for hours, forgetting a single second had passed since their High School romance.

"Hi." She sounded occupied and distant. No one said anything for a few more seconds and Jay assumed it was going to be another one of those melancholy calls. Then Allie spoke up. "I need to ask you something."

"Okay," Jay said, leaning on the side of his sofa as he pressed the phone closer to his ear. "Shoot."

"You remember when you told me to stay in Chicago?"

"Yeah." He couldn't forget it. He'd said it with a childish hopefulness that he'd somehow be enough to make her stay, while deep down he knew the words were futile. For Allie, Chicago would always be the city her baby brother was murdered in. He couldn't hold it against her for wanting to escape.

"Well... I want you to come to Phoenix." Her voice drifted out and Jay wasn't sure he heard her right.

"Move... To Phoenix?"

"Yeah." He exhaled loudly without thinking. "Look, I know it's a big ask and I don't expect you to give me an answer now, but... I feel like this could be good for us."

He ran a hand through his hair, the rumbling in the pit of his stomach suddenly disappearing. The blood was thumping in his head and he couldn't think straight. Things weren't going great for him at the moment, but they were going well enough. And moving to Phoenix would definitely upset the balance of it all.

"My job's here, Allie. My life is here." Jay noted how when he thought about it, his life was his job.

"You could transfer. We have a great Police Department over here, and I think you could do well. I... I think you could be happy here, Jay."

He wanted to tell her he was happy in Chicago, but maybe that wasn't exactly true. Maybe there was something that felt numb when he came home late at night to an empty apartment.

"Allie-"

"Don't give me an answer tonight. Sleep on it." Her voice sounded nice in his ear, familiar. It wasn't a sad voice either; it was hopeful. It was the voice he heard late at night when he thought back to the two of them - Her nervous optimistic voice as she asked him to prom, knowing he'd never pluck up the courage. He smiled at the memory. He smiled at the thought of being a blissfully ignorant teen, ready to take on the world with the girl he loved. Maybe things could go back to that.

"Jay?" She asked. "You still there?"

"Yeah..."

"I know I'm asking a lot. Trust me, I know that. But... We both deserve to be happy. And I think we can make each other happy, here in Phoenix."

"Chicago's my home now, Allie." He heard her breathing softly through the line.

"There's this great little burger joint just five minutes from my place. And down the street there's this cute like cake shop. You'd love it."

"Are you trying to fatten me up?" Jay asked.

"Don't worry, there's an amazing gym only a couple of blocks away. And I'm pretty sure I can think of other forms of exercise too..." Jay laughed at the insinuation. Allie laughed too. It felt like home.

"God, I miss you." She breathed. "I'm crazy, I know. What I'm asking is crazy. Just please, Jay, tell me what you're thinking." He was thinking that when they ended in their call, he'd crash in an empty bed, alone in the dark. Allie would be too. Maybe bringing two broken hearts together was the smartest move.

"I'm thinking... I miss you too." His home was Chicago. But maybe Allie could be his home.

"Call me tomorrow?"

"You got it."

He put the phone down on the table and ran hands through his hair. His fingers dug into the roots as he forced his eyes shut. It was a lot to think about.

He opened his eyes and looked round his darkened apartment, feeling suddenly cold in the silence. Just then, his phone began buzzing again, vibrating on the table. He looked over and saw his partner's name flashing on the screen. He suddenly felt sick.

He watched her name continue to flash and willed himself to take the call. To talk everything through with her. To let her help him.

But as he reached out a hand, it froze centimeters from his phone. He watched her name fade away and the painful 'One Missed Call' flash before him.

Jay swallowed the lump in his throat as he contemplated calling her back. He couldn't believe he was even considering all of this without speaking to his best friend. He couldn't believe the idea of moving miles away from Erin never crossed his mind as he spoke to Allie.

He thought of Erin; who she was and what she meant. She was Chicago. She was the entire reason Jay was tied to the city.

In the darkness, he felt her hand in his and heard her laugh in his ear. He bit back a smile as the hallucination drifted away, leaving him with nothing. Nothing except an offer from an amazing woman with whom he shared a history with.

He rubbed the palm of his hands into his eyes and tried his hardest to calculate everything.

Erin was with Kelly. She was happy. He could complicate it all he wanted, but that's what it was. Erin didn't go to sleep at night with the optimistic hope of 'One Day' fluttering in the back of her mind; she went to sleep next to her fireman. Jay was sick of going to sleep alone.

So that was it. In the space of five minutes Jay had decided his future. A future with Allie. A future in Phoenix.

* * *

Erin was running late the following morning, cursing the relentless queueing in the local coffee shop as she climbed the stairs to Intelligence. Her foot hit the hard ground and she walked in between the row of desks, two cups of coffee in hand as she passed her unit.

She nodded to Dawson as she passed his desk but she barely got a look back.

Erin was surprised to see Halstead's desk empty. So simply thinking he must've overslept, she placed the coffee with extra sugar on the edge of her partner's desk before rounding on her own. After placing the cup in front of her keyboard, Erin stripped her leather jacket from her body and hung it round the back of her computer chair.

There was a thick atmosphere as she sunk into her chair, barely taking a sip from a well deserved beverage before Voight wandered out of his office, his expression stonier than usual.

"It's dead today. We're on paperwork and if you're lucky, you'll all be outta here by five."

Nobody groaned out loud but Erin could feel the internal moans from everyone around her. She hated this part of the job; she signed on for the action, not for the secretarial temping.

As she reached out a hand to grasp the file on the edge of her desk, Erin raised her voice. "Anybody seen Halstead?" She asked absently, opening up the yellow case file while reaching for her cup with the other. She'd called Jay the night before but he hadn't picked up. And strangely, he hadn't called back either. She wasn't worried though; she just assumed he'd met up with some random girl at a bar and taken her home. And if that was the case, she wasn't jumping to hear the details.

She heard Hank inhale deeply, causing her to lift her head. He slowly folded his arms across his chest and looked to the ground.

"Halstead's transferred. Effective immediately."

Erin snorted. Then she saw the hard look in Voight's eye and she felt her jaw slacken. "What? Is this a joke?!"

"No, no, no..." Ruzek started, shaking his head with disbelief. "There's no way in hell he'd transfer?"

"Transferred to where?!" Erin asked, her voice booming.

"Phoenix. Spoke to him this morning, he seemed pretty adamant."

"Even if Jay did want to transfer..." Antonio began calmly, his voice of reason resonating above the uproar. "With the paperwork needed, it'd be weeks, months..."

"He called in a favour with the DA. As of 7am today, Halstead was no longer part of this unit."

Erin felt numb as the questions and answers continued. She bit down on her lip as she stood up from the chair, grabbing her jacket and sliding it on as she walked. "Screw this." She muttered as she walked past her unit, the voices of her co-workers attempting to reign her in.

* * *

Jay was surrounded by boxes; he was amazed at himself how much work he'd gotten done. He wanted to leave as quickly as possible, and that seemed to be motivation enough. Leaving the morning after Allie's offer seemed bizarre at first, but Jay soon decided that if he was leaving Chicago, he didn't want to drag it out.

Just as he finished taping round a cardboard box labeled 'BOOKS', a loud knocking vibrated through his door.

"Open this door, Halstead." He recognised that angry tone anywhere. "Open it right now or I'll knock it down, and you know I'm not joking." He sure as hell did. Jay had seen Erin do far more impressive things than kick down a wooden door.

With a sigh, Halstead stepped over several packed boxes until he got to the door, momentarily bracing himself before swinging it open. Erin looked hasty and out of breath. Jay wasn't one to talk though, he was pretty sure he looked like hell. Being up half the night packing certainly took its toll.

They stood simply looking at each other for a few seconds, breathing in and breathing out.

Saying Erin looked angry was an understatement. Jay was pretty sure he could see smoke rising from her ears. Before she uttered a fuming word, Erin stormed past her partner and into his apartment, before freezing at the sight before her.

Jay watched as she took in the several boxes, with most of his apartment stripped of anything vaguely personal.

"What the hell?!" She asked, turning to face him with a hard face. He felt himself shrink under the severity of her gaze.

"I wanted to tell you, but-"

"But what?! Why the hell are you doing this?"

With a sigh, Jay closed the door, shutting them both in. He slipped both hands into the pockets of his jeans and took a few steps closer to his partner. He wished he'd called her back the night before. He wished he wasn't having this conversation with her.

"Allie called. She wants me to move to Phoenix."

Jay had told Erin about Allie a few months ago over a few too many beers and Molly's. He'd told her everything about the Lonnie Rodiger case too. And she understood; she reached out her hand and held his tightly with reassurance and understanding.

"So you're doing it, just like that?" Erin asked, clearly offended by his blatant spontaneity.

"I've thought about this, Erin. It's the best thing for right now." The words coming out of his own mouth sounded absurd. Desperate to break some of the intimacy off, Jay walked past his partner and towards the sofa, absently packing miscellaneous items into an empty cardboard box.

"According to who?" Erin scoffed, following him. "Allie? If she thinks that moving you miles away is the best thing then she clearly doesn't know a damn thing-"

"Don't pretend you know a thing about this." Jay told her coldly, sending a defining glare in his partner's direction.

"How could I possibly know when you never let me in?!" Erin practically screamed, her face reddening slightly.

Jay's chest rose and fell to the time of Erin's, both of them with burning lungs. Jay knew he was closed off, despite the fact he didn't want to be. He knew Erin wasn't the type of girl to bare her soul, and yet there were times when she did it so easily to him. But he found it so difficult to do the same.

"I'm moving to Phoenix." Jay told Erin with confidence. "I have to do this."

"What about the rest of us? What about your unit?"

Halstead bit his lip and looked to the ground. "Don't pretend I'm some key component, Erin. We both know I'm far from a necessity." He tried to smile but he couldn't muster it.

"What are you talking about?" Erin asked with a suddenly softer voice, taking a step toward Jay and touching his arm lightly. "You're a part of our team." Jay didn't seem impressed. Erin continued. "Jin was murdered. Antonio hasn't seen his kids in weeks. And you're just going to bail?"

"I'm not bailing! I'm tired of putting this job first." He seethed. He knew he was thinking of Voight's ridiculous 'no in house romance' rule. For once, he didn't want to job to get in the way of everything. "I need to think about myself, for once." Jay didn't mean for his voice to stay so cold, but it was. Maybe a part of him wanted Erin to give him a reason to stay, not that he'd ever admit that.

He looked at the hurt in his partner's eyes and his mind flickered to her words of 'One Day'. He wanted to reach out to her but he couldn't move. He felt Erin remove her hand from his arm and step back, tucking her hands into her own pockets.

"Do you love her?"

"What?" Jay asked, the question taking him by surprising.

"Allie. Do you love her?"

"It's... It's not as simple as that." He did love her once. More than he thought he'd ever love anybody. But then a murder happened and they drifted apart in the worst way. But he had a feeling he could love her again, if they went back to their High School selves.

Erin paused and Jay heard her gulp, almost bracing herself. "You remember Annie, my old best friend?" Jay nodded. "I love her. So much. But... Everytime I look at her, I see Sandoval. And everytime I look at her son, I see Charlie. I've tried running from my past, Jay, and I've tried getting it back too. But it's called the past for a reason."

And just like always, Erin managed to read Jay better than anyone.

"I'm begging you to stay in Chicago." Erin stated bluntly. "But if you do want to go, I just hope you're doing it for the right reasons."

She began walking backwards slowly, her voice growing softer as she did. Finally, right by the front door, Lindsay stopped and sighed.

"You're my best friend. I haven't said it lately, but it's true. If you do this, Jay... You'll hurt me. You'll hurt everybody, but most importantly, you'll hurt me."

Jay tried to call out to her, to say anything worth saying. But as usual, his throat closed up and he could do nothing but watch her leave.

* * *

Jay sat outside Molly's, his engine on and raring to go. He sat back in the driver's seat, his eyes drifting lazily from sleep deprivation. The city was growing dark but Molly's was lighting up, ready to accommodate the city's guardians for a night of after-work drinking.

Jay felt his hands tense up on the wheel, his foot aching to touch the pedal. Then he saw Erin. And all his muscles relaxed.

Even from across the street, Jay could see she was exhausted; the way she carried herself was weighted and her legs looked strained. Her hair blew around her face and her jacket was hugged tight around her.

And suddenly, Jay knew what to do.

Watching Erin open the door to Molly's, Jay pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled a contact, consciously telling himself it would be the last time he'd call that number.

"Hey," Allie's warm voice greeted him. "Tell me you're almost here."

Jay smiled sadly to himself, pressing the phone to his ear. "I can't come to Phoenix, Allie." He could hear her exhale with disappointment. "I'm sorry. I just... I've been wanting to get back to the 'old us', and I thought this would be the way to do it, but... There is no 'old us' anymore, there's just us."

He paused and Allie kept quiet. He felt sick again, but deep down he knew he was doing the right thing. It was Erin who made him realise that.

"If things were different, we'd be great together. But... But everytime I look at you, I see Ben. And I know you do the same. It tore us apart for a reason."

He heard Allie crying quietly on the other end of the line. He even felt his own ducts filling. He was finally saying goodbye.

"I can't convince you to come?" She asked. There was futility in her voice.

"We're not in High School anymore, Allie. I think we have to move on." He finally said it.

A few sniffs later, Allie spoke again. "So this is goodbye, huh?"

"I guess so."

"Be happy, Jay."

"You too. You deserve to be happy." Jay said, feeling some part of him begin to break away with his words. "We both do."

* * *

Erin took a sip from her frothy beer, while her heart had remained deep down in her chest. She fingered the cool glass and kept her head down. The thought of Jay in Phoenix at that very moment brought a sickness to her stomach. She didn't even get to properly say goodbye.

It hadn't even properly sunken in; the fact she'd never see his face every morning or hear him laugh in their car rides. She'd never watch his eyes roll or hear one of his dumb jokes. She'd never get any of it again, and she hadn't even said goodbye.

Her fingers were icy cold around her glass but she couldn't let it go. That was until she heard the voice that made something inside her quiver.

"This seat taken?" Jay asked, hovering by her. She felt a smile break out across her face.

"You're staying?" The coy smile on his face told her he was, but she knew her partner. She knew he wanted to have fun with it first.

"That depends..." Jay said vaguely, reaching out a hand and drawing his partner's beer closer to him. "You gonna let me drive?"

Erin willed herself not to smile so broadly, but it was inevitable. "Not a chance." She told him with a smile. And almost infectiously, his jaw softened and the corner of his mouth relaxed, easing into a comfortable grin.

Erin realised then, that not for the first time, she'd almost lost Jay Halstead. Yet, like always, he always managed to find his way back to her.


	5. How Do I Make It Up To You?

**Thank you to all who continue reading these, recognition for this prompt goes out to jaelyn2001, thank you so much for sending it in! I hope you all enjoy this.**

**_"I'm sorry I forgot, how do I make it up to you?"_**

* * *

It wasn't like Erin had happily complied in sharing the intimate detail of the date of her birth. Birthday's were something she hadn't celebrated since she learnt that an old cigarette from her mother and a phone call from her father in jail was the extent of the jubilations. And yet one night when inebriation got the better of her, Erin told her partner when her Birthday was.

She could still recall the way his mouth widened as she told him, as though she'd broken off a piece of her soul and handed it to him right there and then. And he smiled as though he'd uncovered some earthly secret about her... But in reality, he'd uncovered exactly that. Apart from Voight, there was no one that Lindsay was in contact with who knew it. And maybe when she lay asleep at night and felt the world slipping away from her, her mind drifted to Jay and how he'd pass her at the precinct sometimes, whispering a soft "only twenty days..." into the air flowing between them, or how he'd hold up seven fingers from his desk when no-one was looking. He seemed more excited than she'd ever been.

To begin with, Erin found it infuriating. She was afraid that someone would interfere and it'd turn into some huge thing. The last thing she wanted was a precinct party thrown where she'd get a huge reminder on all the typical Birthday events she'd missed out on. But as time progressed and something inside her softened and she found little notes taped to her desk counting down the days with a winky face scrawled in the corner, she maybe didn't dread the idea.

* * *

They had a tough day with an even tougher case. It was the kind of case where Jay felt everything drawn out of him, both physically and emotionally.

Jay was woken at 7:30am with a violent vibration of his phone on the nightstand. He jumped up quickly and answered it groggily, hearing Antonio's voice too loudly in his ear for a Wednesday morning.

"Got a tip about that drug ring." 'That drug ring' was something the unit had been slowly working on for weeks, keeping it slightly on the backburner until they had enough energy to find something substantial. It looked like they finally had it. "I'm texting you the address now, meet us there." Antonio said.

Jay raced to get there, the early morning sun shining briskly on him as he joined the rest of his unit to get briefed on the situation. As he took his regular space next to his partner, the ever so important detail that had been burning in the back of his mind for weeks had softly and quietly escaped his recollection.

* * *

At some point he'd gotten into a brawl with some skeevy cocaine dealer, who was pretty damn adamant he wasn't getting taken into the station, and offered Halstead soe pretty painful blows to the chest. Jay hadn't checked is abdomen, but he was pretty sure it was going to be painted with bruises by morning.

If that wasn't bad enough, he'd been in the interrogation room for most the day with the body beater addict, who had conveniently chosen to keep his lips sealed on his fellow dealers. The drug ring was still ongoing, Jay was struggling to draw any more information out from the only connection they had, and he was thoroughly exhausted.

As he left the interrogation room and walked down the empty corridor, he rubbed his sleep deprived eyes and stopped to lean against the wall. It was hard and supportive against his back, and Jay leaned all his weight into it.

Looking down at his watch, he saw it was nearly nine. He knew Voight well, and what they hadn't uncovered today, their Sergeant would be on their asses twice as hard to uncover tomorrow. The prospect of a 5:30am start the following morning was grueling, but it gave Jay the motivation he needed to get the hell home and into his bed.

As he returned to his desk and grabbed his leather jacket off the back of his chair, he felt Erin looking at him from across the room. She looked tired too, and Jay wondered why she was still there and not across town snuggling into some thick duvet.

He offered a weak smile and she returned it. Erin's eyes lingered on him, as though she was waiting for him to say something. Jay was exhausted though, and as much as he loved spending time with his badass partner, he needed shut-eye.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He said before a long, overdue yawn as he passed Erin's desk, his fingers trailing on the wood slightly.

* * *

When he got home, it took all the energy Jay had not to collapse on his bed the second his door was unlocked. But since his tongue needed taste and his stomach was rumbling slightly, he decided to grab a quick snack before hitting the sheets.

Absently, Halstead wandered into the kitchen and threw his keys onto the cool countertop, the slapping of the metal echoing throughout the cold apartment. Swinging the fridge door open, he swiped a beer from the shelf and flicked the top off, not wasting another second before taking a long, slow sip. It burned as it went down but it warmed his insides. He could already feel some of the pain of the day starting to heal.

His back leaned against the counter and he drank some more, only hastily stopping when his eyes drifted to the calendar attached to the fridge.

The date was circled with large coloured ovals, and Jay didn't need to even think why.

He felt like an idiot. No, he felt like a jackass. Erin had shared a part of herself with him, and he knew as the words fell from her lips they certainly weren't easy to throw out to him. And then he just forgot.

Not wanting to waste another second, Jay slid his phone out his back pocket and called her number, holding the mobile as close to his ear as possible.

"I'm an idiot." Jay said, not giving her a chance to even breathe after accepting the call. "I'm sorry."

He heard the sound of her laughing on the other end of the line, but he knew it was hollow. "It's fine, Halstead, honestly."

"No it's not." He urged, his eyes drifting back to the calendar right in front of him. "I'm sorry I forgot, how do I make it up to you?"

"I told you, Birthdays don't mean a thing. We'll get a beer after we crack the case tomorrow... Call it even."

He felt ridiculous. He got sidetracked by a difficult case, and forgot something vital about the closest person to him. He thought back through the day, feeling embarrassed how it didn't click as Voight pulled Lindsay aside during the day, urging her into his office, and how she left with the glint of a smile lingering on her face. Hank Voight hadn't forgotten, but Jay Halstead had.

"Erin-"

"Honestly, Jay, it's late. I told you, it's no big deal, so stop... Feeling bad about it. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" There was still a light, playfulness to her voice that Jay managed to see through.

Before he could argue anymore, the call ended. He stared at the blank screen for a few more seconds before dropping it on the counter and rubbing his hands over his face, suddenly feeling a lot less tired.

It would be different if Erin regularly celebrated her Birthday, and her sadness was more evident. But Erin hadn't ever had a decent day where she was the sole focus, and that made something inside of Jay ache.

So while his bed was still distantly shouting his name, and bruises on his abdomen were already starting to form, Jay was going to put Erin Lindsay above it all.

* * *

She wasn't heartbroken, and she wasn't devastated. She didn't want to admit that she was disappointed, because that would mean that she'd have to acknowledge she was expecting something, and she'd conditioned herself not to do that a long time ago.

But as she lay on her couch and flicked between channels, a tiny part of Erin ached at the fact Jay was in his own apartment halfway across town.

Shaking the thought from her head, Erin shut off the television, holding the tip of the beer to her lips as she turned and looked out the window, the bright Chicago lights flickering.

She didn't know how long she was looking out at the city until her phone buzzed beside her, revealing a text message from her partner.

**Come out to the roof. ASAP.**

She blinked as she read the words, taking a few seconds to absorb the letters. She tried not to get her hopes up, but again, not for the first time that day, failed.

* * *

It was cold, and Erin felt like an idiot for not bringing a jacket. She climbed the steps two at a time, feeling her headspace go fuzzy with each millimeter her body moved. She hugged her bare arms with each step she reached, and felt her body pause as she reached the top.

She stood in front of the door, her heart hammering in her chest until she finally did it. She pushed the door and welcomed a frosty breeze, encircling her body as she stepped onto the rooftop. Then she saw him.

Jay stood by the edge, hands in pockets as Chicago illuminated around him. The wind stole her breath, but that didn't matter. Because seeing Jay somehow gave her all the air she needed.

She walked towards him, trying her best not to grin like an idiot. She failed within seconds, her eyes landing on a plaid blanket laid on the floor, accompanied by a pizza box and a six pack of beers. Her favourite brand.

"Did I mention that I was an idiot?" Jay said, a grin playing out on his lips as she neared him.

"You didn't have to do this." Erin hated that she sounded on the verge of tears. She hated that he did this. She hated that he cared.

He paused before speaking, taking the few extra steps so he was directly in front of Erin. "Of course I did."

They looked at each other for a few seconds with heavy hearts, something pulling them both together. Finally, Erin followed Jay as he slid down on the blanket, suddenly feeling a lot less cold. A beat later, he was pressing a beer into her hand and handing her a slice of pizza, all before she could properly take in the view.

The minutes passed like seconds, the evening sinking into night and any natural light slipping from both their views. But it was comfortable. And safe. And everything Erin wanted from a birthday.

"Oh," Jay said quickly all at once, placing his beer down in front of him and reaching behind his back. He handed his partner a poorly wrapped present, catching her even more so off guard. "Happy Birthday."

Her head fell to the side as she looked at him, a glance of disbelief painted across her face.

"Go on, open it." He urged, bringing both knees to his chest and hooking his arms around them as he watched her.

Slowly, Lindsay began tearing the paper off, exposing a framed, fairly old, newspaper. Initially confusion clouded her mind, her knitted brow conveying this. Her fingers slid across the frame as she glanced over what was in front of her. Wordlessly, Jay pointed out an article on the far right of the front page. It was on the Chicago Police Department. It was the first major case Erin and Jay had cracked together. As partners.

"You... You kept this?" She asked, not daring to look at him.

Jay answered without skipping a beat. "Of course I did."

The wind died out for a second, or maybe it was just the world letting Erin and Jay finally have a second of quietened background noise.

Erin bit down on her lip before she lifted her head again, her fingers still pressed against the glass of the frame. She looked into the bright eyes of her partner and felt something quake. "Thank you."

The edge of his lip twitched at Erin's words, and she found herself focusing so intently on him. The way the wind picked up the edge of his hair, the way is freckles were barely visible in a darkened ambience. She felt the warmth from his skin on hers, and in that moment made one of the most selfish decisions she had in a while.

She leaned forward and enclosed the distance between their lips. She felt him pause in surprise, before feeling his lips soften against the pressure of hers. She was on fire, burning in a safe crackling hearth while the cold wind tried to break through.

She felt the tips of his fingers on her jaw, and as she pulled away slightly he surged forward the extra centimeters. Their lips tugged and collided until a numbness began to set in, but neither wanted to leave that moment.

Finally, after everything left Erin's mind except the taste of her partner's lips, he peeled away from her and rested their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry I forgot." He breathed.

Erin looked up and saw the reflection of city lights in his eyes. She something else too; she saw a future. She saw Birthdays, and lots more of them. "Oh, I think you're forgiven."

And when he let out a grin and a breathy exhale, she kissed him again. And again, and again, and again.


	6. I Want To Take It All Back

**Truly sorry for the long-ish updates, I'll really try and get a move on with everything! Anyway, thanks to all who have reviewed recently (positively, that is, or even with constructive comments) it really means a lot!**

**Got stumped for a while on this one, but I'm really stoked about the next one I've got. I guess inspiration picks and chooses when to strike. **

**I got two similar requests for this, so I decided to put them together. Timewise, I see this pretty later on for Erin and Jay. Both from guests, they're:**

**"I take back what I said." and "I want to take it all back. "**

* * *

In all honesty, Erin was glad when Kelly said he wouldn't be able to make it that night. They'd cracked a tough case and it had drained her, not to mention the fact Nadia had completed a full first week at work too. They were both exhausted.

Nadia had crashed early, telling Erin the change of pace had really gotten to her. So while the city was beginning to wind down after a rough night, so was Detective Erin Lindsay. She was lounged out on her couch, head drooping on her shoulder slightly, with a beer in hand as she watched the highlights of the game. Every so often she raised the tip of the beer and took a long sip, savouring the burning as it slid down her throat.

As her heavy lids weighed down, she thought of Kelly. Her boyfriend, Kelly Severide. The more she said it, the less real it felt. He didn't feel like her boyfriend. And she wondered if he ever would. She enjoyed his company and welcomed his presence, but whenever she was alone she considered how much effort it took; how hard she worked to hold herself together around him.

And then her mind wandered to her partner, who had already seen her at her worst and somehow managed to not let it warp his perspective of her. She thought of how easy he was to be around; how they could spend hours together and she wouldn't even notice. And how she'd pretend not to notice the drop in her chest when he left.

She lifted the beer bottle again, but before the glass could meet her lips, there was a knocking at the door. She could hear low mumbles on the other side of the threshold, and the odd laughter as she lifted her body from the comfort of the couch and over to the peep-hole. Looking through, her brow furrowed at the sight of Ruzek and Halstead. Swinging open the door, she noted how Adam was almost holding Jay up. Based on his lolling his head around and the intense stench of alcohol, Erin guessed her partner had had one too many at Molly's.

"I tried to take him home," Adam sighed, retrieving his arm from around Jay. "But he was adamant of coming here."

"Okay, thanks. I'll take it from here." Erin told him with a smile, although she was still extremely questioning of why Jay was requesting to show up at her apartment, blatantly drunk when it was close to midnight. Ruzek handed her Jay's phone, which she guessed he was holding for safe keeping, and retired down the stairwell, leaving Erin to attempt to manoeuvre an extremely inebriated Jay.

"Alright, come on," She said, almost grunting as she guided him over to the couch. He sunk down with ease, his head rocking back. Erin mad her way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, knowing the smart thing would be to get some fluids in him as an attempt to reduce the hangover impact.

She returned to the couch, but sat opposite her partner on the coffee table. They were close. So close, their knees were almost knocking together. She handed him the bottle of chilled water, but he just held it. He steadied his head and held her gaze. She finally noticed the glaze to his eyes, but also the brightness behind them.

"I have to..." He slurred his speech, and Erin watched as his pupils moved in and out of focus. "I have to tell you something."

"Tell me what?" She asked with a light tone, almost humouring him. She leaned forward slightly and began removing his jacket from his body, guessing he was warm. His sluggish body provided no help in the matter, and Erin was forced to physically move both arms out of the sleeves. She tossed the jacket onto the side of the couch and resumed her seat on the coffee table, crossing her arms over her chest. She felt strangely awake all of a sudden.

Under the light ambience of the lamps, his face had a hollowed orange tinge to it, and his blue eyes seemed brighter than usual. She watched as he tried hard to maintain his focus. And as he did, she reached for her beer and took a sip. She noted that she'd had a few already, and concluded that she was over the limit, if only slightly. It meant that she couldn't drive her partner home, he'd have to crash on her couch. The bottle was just brought down from her lips when he'd managed to find the words.

"I love you." He didn't slur those three words. His smile was light and dazed, while Erin felt frozen. She watched his pupils with determined dexterity, looking and waiting for him to waver. He never did, though. Instead, he continued to look at her like he always did; like he knew her better than anyone. Finally, she broke into a sad smile and dropped her eyes to the ground.

"You're really wasted, huh?" She commented with a half chuckle, reaching down to take off his shoes, one by one. "You're gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

"I mean it." Without looking at him, Erin wouldn't have guessed he was drunk, not by the steadiness of his words. After she took off his second shoe and met his gaze again though, the fluttering of his lids told her he wasn't in the right state of mind. "I'm in love with you."

"Jay, stop." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. Her tongue glazed over her lower lip and she clamped her eyes closed for a brief moment. She told herself it wasn't real; what he was telling her was a mixture of various alcoholic drinks and poor judgement.

"I know you're scared. But I'm not. I love you." He reached out a hand but she stood up before it could make contact. She didn't need this.

"You need to sleep this off, okay. We've got work in seven hours." She stood up and grabbed the throw from the back of the couch. She could still feel Jay's eyes on her but she didn't let it stop her. She dropped the throw down next to him and hit the button on the remote, shutting the television off. She heard him mumbling indistinct phrases that she couldn't make out, and as he did so she made her way to her room.

She finally heard him call out her name, but she closed the door to her bedroom before she heard anything else he would surely regret saying in the morning. Her hands palmed the cool wood as she took deep breaths. There was a harsh silence and a sickness in her stomach that she tried desperately to ignore. After a final breath, Erin turned around, pressing her back to the door. A million 'I love you's ran through her mind as slight fingers ran through the roots of her hair, her eyes closed tight.

* * *

Jay woke up with his head on fire. His thoughts were burned to a crisp and whenever he moved he felt his entire body tense into an ache. As his eyes adjusted to the morning light streaming in, he noted that he wasn't in his bed. In fact, he wasn't even his apartment.

He swallowed and the rawness of his throat caused him to wince. Sitting up, Jay took in his surroundings and realised he was at Erin's, helplessly pained on her couch.

"Morning." He winced again at the sound of Erin's voice, her presence startling him slightly. He watched with squinted eyes as she made her way over with a bottle of water in one hand and a painkiller in the other. She handed him both and he thanked her wordlessly.

He popped the pill quickly, chasing it down with a gulp of relievingly cold water.

"Sorry." He felt like an idiot; drunkenly crashing on his partner's couch was not something an emotionally stable detective was supposed to do.

"It's fine. You managed to keep all vomit inside of you, which I'm happy about." There was a faint lightness to her words, but Jay felt her holding back.

He tried to smile but it all hurt, so instead he raised his eyes and tried to thank her that way. Erin stood above him, her fingers twirling softly and avoiding eye contact.

"Wanna grab breakfast?" Jay asked, trying not to sound like every syllable he sounded out was getting replayed louder in his head. He needed a way to thank Erin, maybe free food was the way to do that.

"Uhm..." Jay watched her squirm nervously. "I... Can't. I've gotta run."

Running from her own apartment sounded bizarre. She must've been running from him.

"Everything okay?" He asked, a drumming in his head. "Is this about last night?"

He watched as she froze for a nano-second, before her shoulders untensed slightly and she combed away a strand of hair from her face. "No, I just... Have some stuff to do."

Jay watched as his partner backed away from him with a forced smile painted on her face. With all the strength he could muster, Halstead lifted his body from the couch and followed Erin to the kitchen, needing to straighten it all out. What 'it' was though, he wasn't quite sure.

"I want to take it all back." He said brazenly when he reached her. She whipped round to him, eyes wide. "What I did... I want to take it all back."

"What are you talking about?"

"I clearly did or said something stupid. So I take it back. I'm sorry." She shook her head slightly and looked pained. He didn't know what the problem was.

"You don't remember?" She asked. He tried searching his brain, but he was coming up blank. It was all a blur.

"Was it that bad?" He was starting to worry now. He could feel an awkwardness between them as she kept her distance.

"You know what? Let's just forget about it. Clean slate, and all." Erin said, hopefulness seeping through her voice. Another forced smile was an attempt to end the conversation, but Jay wasn't accepting that.

"Forget what? What did I say, Erin?"

For a second he thought she might tell him. Her mouth poised open and her eyes shone through his, like she wanted to tell him. But that look slipped away within a second as Erin attempted to walk past her.

Reaching out, Jay's light touch landed on Erin. "Hey," She didn't meet his eye. "Will you tell me what's going on here?"

He watched her breathe in and breathe out. He watched as she looked tired and sad and desperate to get out of his presence. He watched as she finally looked up and met his gaze with longing and want.

"You said you loved me." She said. "Still think you can take all that back?"


	7. Give Me One Good Reason

**I'm back! With an unusally quick update! I have to say this one may be cheating somewhat, as it appears more like an Adam/Kim piece that linstead. I'm almost certainly hoping to write a part two to this though, but I guess that all depends on your reaction to it?**

**This is an idea I've had for a while, and I'm stoked to finally get the chance to write it. In terms of a timeline, the only thing necessary to know is that it's after the finale (for burzek purposes), before 2x02, and Erin and Kelly aren't seeing each other.**

**Recognition goes to EmilyMay93 for this one. I hope you all enjoy!**

_**"Give me one good reason why I should wear a dress".**_

* * *

"I'm not crazy, right? I mean, you see it too." Adam asked Kim as they sat in the back table at Molly's. It was getting late and there was a soft atmosphere; most of Chicago's finest were winding down for the day. Ruzek had his hands wrapped round a cool beer, but was more concerned with his two co-workers chatting comfortably at the bar.

"Oh, definitely." Burgess chimed in, sipping the foam from her glass. Kim was only able to witness Lindsay and Halstead's interaction on a few small occasions throughout the day, and whenever she met Erin after work everything was often very hush-hush. Lindsay didn't like talking about whatever went on with her and Halstead, and it seemed as though no amount of alcoholic beverages could pry it out of her.

"You know what I don't get?" Kim chimed in again, still eyeing the way Erin moved seriously close to her partner as she stifled a laugh. "We see people run out of time every day, you know? We watch officers get shot, and buildings burn, and people not have time to do the things they wanna do. So... Why are they holding back?"

"You've met Voight, right? Scary dude, gravelly voice, could kill you with his thumb?" Ruzek said with a laugh, taking a large gulp of his drink. Kim knew about Voight's no 'in-house romance' rule, in fact she'd gotten a rendition of it first hand. But she didn't see Lindsay as the type to follow rules to the book.

"So that's it? Their sergeant doesn't want them together, so they're not even gonna try? I mean, look! They're clearly so into one another." Adam found it humorous how into this Kim was getting.

With a sigh, he reached out a hand and held Kim's. "This sneaking around at work thing... It's hard right?" Kim nodded, fully aware of how exhausting it all was. "Well, for Lindsay and Halstead it'd be like ten times as risky. I mean, passing you at Platt's desk is hard enough, but those guys work opposite each other day in, day out. Voight's desk is leering over them every second. They both care about their jobs, they think they're being smart."

"Well, they're idiots." Kim said openly, getting a chuckle from her boyfriend.

"I'm not arguing with that."

There was a pause for a second, and Adam knew something was coming. "You know what we should do?" Kim said, optimism oosing from every octave in her voice.

"No." He answered immediately, shaking his head. "We're not setting them up. Nuh huh."

"Oh, come on!" She tugged on his arm with enthusiasm. "You said it yourself, they're into each other!"

"No, you said that, I just happen to agree. We shouldn't get involved." Kim was taken aback; normally, Adam was the first to suggest something like this.

"Okay, here's how we'll do it:" Kim calculated out loud. "I'll talk to Lindsay, you take Halstead. We tell them both we're setting them up on a blind date, and then, bam! They're at dinner with one another, realising that they're soulmates."

"No."

"Yes! Talk to him tomorrow, I'll see if I can-"

Adam made a random coughing noise, and as Kim looked at him with a deep look of confusion, his eyes flickered to over her shoulder. Seconds later, Erin was taking up a seat next to them with a beer bottle in hands.

"Hey. What are you guys talking about?"

Burgess released a spluttering noise in her throat as the beer caught in her trachea. Adam sighed internally; she was always awful at lying.

"Nothing." Ruzek finally responded airily, getting a questioning look from his co-worker. "Where's Halstead?"

Erin finished her sip of beer before speaking again. "Met up with some blonde at the bar." She looked over her shoulder, and the other two followed the action. Speaking to the woman, Kim noted how more distanced he was than with Lindsay, and even from across the bar she could tell his heart wasn't in it. She made a mental note to remember that later; if Erin needed convincing why on earth Kim thought setting the detective up with her partner on a blind date was a good idea, Burgess would need some evidence.

"Looks like he's doing pretty well." Erin noted, turning back round.

"What about you?" Burgess asked, a little too interested. "Any guys you like the look of?"

Lindsay eyed the officer warily, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she replied. "No?" Her voice went up at the end alluding to the sense that it was a question, rather than an answer.

"What about you, Kim?" Erin shot back. Burgess tensed up, but managed to glare at the playfulness in Lindsay's tone. Damn, she was a good detective. "Any guys you've got in mind?"

"Nope." She shot back shortly, trying not to give anything away.

"Is that the same blonde he met up with the other night?" Ruzek asked openly, and Kim appreciated him taking the heat off of their relationship. He was squinting past Lindsay and trying to take in the features of the woman pressing herself a little too close to Jay.

Erin's neck tensed as she turned around to get a better look. Her gaze was held for a little too long, and as she turned her head back round, she took a substantial pull of beer. Slamming the empty bottle onto a mat in front of her, Erin stood up from the company.

"You know, it's late. I'm gonna head home. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Vanisihing quickly, Lindsay barely had chance to hear a goodbye from the two before she was out the door.

With a smug smile, Kim turned to her boyfriend and bit her lip. "Oh, it's definitely on. 9pm, tomorrow. You work your magic, I'll work mine."

* * *

"Hey, Lindsay." Kim had been sitting in her car for the last twenty minutes, waiting for Erin to show up for work. As soon as she caught sight of the detective, Burgess leaped from the driver's side and dashed in to meet her.

"Burgess." Erin acknowledged with a slight head nod as the two climbed the stairs two at a time into the precinct.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Kim asked, nodding her head to the side. Lindsay knitted her brow for a second before nodding and following the officer to the side of the entrance where they were granted slight privacy.

"What's up?"

Burgess felt sweat gather in her palms. There was something slightly intimidating about Erin Lindsay. She wanted this to work. "Okay... So, I have this friend who I think you'd really hit it off with-"

Erin stopped her with a sad smile. "Not really looking to be set up, Burgess. But thanks for the thought."

"He's cute." Kim tried as Erin tried to walk away. "I mean really cute." She was aware of how desperate she sounded. If she wasn't so intent on getting Lindsay to agree, Kim might contemplate why she was so desperate to set up two higher ranking co-workers.

"He's got a great job, and I already told him about you. He said you sound wonderful, and would love to meet up sometime." Kim raced to finish. And when she did, she saw Erin pause for thought. She watched a light flicker in her eyes, and felt something drop inside of her. Why was it so stumbling for Erin that someone thought she sounded wonderful?

"Trust me, Erin. You deserve a guy like this."

Kim waited nervously. Lindsay licked her lower lip and rolled her eyes with a half smile. "I can't believe I'm even saying this, but... Sure. Why not." Burgess was almost certain Erin was thinking back to Jay and his 'friend' at the bar. She felt giddy at the prospect of later that night.

"Great! Okay, so you're free tonight, then?" Kim asked. Lindsay looked taken aback slightly.

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, 9 O'clock. He'll meet you outside of Marcello's."

Lindsay looked flustered at the pace of events, and Kim decided it would be best to get out of there before she could back out of the plans made.

"Kim," Erin called as she passed her with haste. "Does this friend of yours have a name?"

Before a sad excuse could escape her lips, Platt yelled Burgess's name with a sense of annoying urgency. But that was Kim's saving grace.

* * *

"That girl you met last night... She was... Really something." Adam said, looking slightly pained as he tried to keep all of Kim's pointers from this morning in check.

Eyeing him warily, Jay replied solidly. "Yeah, I guess." He brought his coffee to his lips and took a sip, all the while a knitted brow focused hard on Ruzek. "Are you okay, man?"

"Peachy."

"Right." Jay said, still confused by the unusual demeanor. But he brushed it off nonetheless.

"Hey, speaking of... Meeting girls... At night..." Whatever Adam was trying to say certainly didn't want to come out easily. "I have this friend. She's really cool, and I think you guys would hit it off." Whoever this 'friend' was, Jay silently wondered why she'd never been mentioned to him before. "If you want, she said she'd love to meet up. Maybe tonight at Marcello's?"

"Sorry, man." Halstead replied instantly, no doubt in his mind. "I've got plans tonight. Maybe some other time though."

Again, that pained look glossed Ruzek's face. Jay made a mental note to ask him later on if he needs someone to take him to the doctors for something.

"Okay, but let me just tell you why I think you should cancel your plans and-"

He stopped suddenly when Lindsay entered the room, and looked as though he might combust. Standing up quickly, he flashed a smile at Erin before vanishing, without another word left from his previous sentence.

"Well that was weird." Erin noted as she watched him dash away. She walked over to her partner and grabbed a mug from the cupboard behind him.

"Understatement of the day." Jay noted as he lifted the pot to pour Erin a cup of coffee.

"Hey," He started casually as the coffee poured. "I might be out of beers for later. You mind picking some up?"

He could practically hear her gulp. Dropping her gaze, Erin took a step back and wrapped both hands around her mug. "Uhm, about tonight... I think I have a date."

He looked at her instantly, waiting for her to crack up with a grin. Then he questioned his own expectations and wondered why he found the prospect of her cancelling their plans for a date truly astounding. Erin was amazing. She deserved a date every night. Every hour.

"You think?" Was all he managed. She didn't sound all that sure.

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, but yeah... I think I do." She finally managed to look at him and he tried to smile. "So, raincheck on tonight?"

Rubbing his jaw, Jay tried his hardest to appear nonchalant. "Yeah, yeah. That's, uhm... Yeah." _Say 'yeah' another five times to make sure, idiot._ He thought.

She appeared to force another smile before walking out and to her desk. And instead of following her like always, this time Halstead went straight to Ruzek.

"About tonight, can you ask if nine's okay?"

"Nine should be perfect."

* * *

The days seemed to get longer, Erin thought. The days dragged on and so did her exhaustion. Truthfully, she wanted nothing more than to grab a few beers from her local store and meet Halstead at his apartment, sharing a couch as they shared the game.

She forced thoughts of her partner from her mind. She had a date in an hour. A date with a man who thought she was wonderful. God, Erin couldn't remember the last time she'd been called that.

She thought of this mystery date; who he was and what he looked like. Maybe their night was going to be some kind of epic story, where they fall in love with nothing but recommendation by a mutual friend. Before she could dip into the fruitless cliche, a knocking rattled the door.

Walking towards the sound, a brief thought crossed the detective's mind; maybe it was Halstead. That idea was swept from her mind quicker than when it came. He wasn't coming for her.

She swung open the door to reveal a tired looking Burgess beaming at her.

The beam seemed to dissolve as Kim looked Erin up and down, obviously mentally confused by her outfit. Or lack thereof.

"You're not dressed?"

Erin, in fact, was dressed. Just in the same clothes she went to work in. As soon as she entered her apartment, Erin hit the couch. She didn't even give changing a second thought.

"I've got..." Lindsay looked down at her wrist. "An hour."

"Do you know what you're going to wear?" Erin shook her head and Kim looked as though she might faint.

"Oh my god, come on." Wasting no time, Kim let herself into her co-worker's apartment and grabbed her hand, dragging her to her bedroom before another word could be uttered.

Kim's tight grip on Erin dropped as they entered her room, and Lindsay dropped aimlessly onto her bed. The minute Burges started lurking through her closet, she tried to think up some snarky comment, but truthfully, she wasn't all too eager to be hunting through outfits herself.

Within only a few minutes, Kim managed to select three evening dresses and placed them on the bed next to Erin. Looking down at them, Lindsay felt drained.

"Really?"

"Really what?"

Erin wanted to wear pyjama bottoms if she was honest, but jeans seemed like the more socially acceptable option. "Give me one good reason why I should wear a dress." The last time Erin had ever slipped into one was on the night of her reunion, and swore she wouldn't do it again until attending the wedding or funeral of an extremely close friend. She hated dresses. You can't chase perps in dresses.

"Because! It's Marcello's! Because these are really cute dresses. Because your legs look amazing, and you'll want to show them off tonight. Trust me."

She tried to argue back but couldn't. Instead, she ran her hands along the smooth material of the shortest black dress and thought of some cute guy calling her wonderful and telling her she had great legs.

Erin wordlessly lifted her body from the bed and headed to the en-suite, the dress hanger firmly in her grasp. She felt oddly hopeful about the night. She hoped he (whoever he was) did too.

* * *

It was cold and Jay almost regretted not bringing his leather jacket. But then he thought back to the text he got from Ruzek at 8:27pm that stated **'dress nice. no leather.'** and thought that his plain white button up shirt and black blazer was sufficient enough. He smoothed down the skinny black tie draped down the front of his shirt and ran a hand through his styled hair.

He stood outside of Marcello's and felt slightly out of place. Tucking his hands into his pants pocket, Jay looked into the restaurant window at the dimly lit atmosphere and sophisticated customers dining with elegance. He looked around briefly to check if his date had arrived, but then realised he'd be clueless to know if she had or not.

Whipping out his phone, he quickly texted the idiot that was Adam Ruzek.

**'Got any way of me knowing who this girl is?'**

**'Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?'**

**'There won't be a romance if I can't find her!'**

He thumbed the sides of his phone as he waited for a reply. It was 9:07 and he was very cold.

**'Brunette in the black dress. You're welcome.'**

With a scrunched face, Jay lifted his head from the description and looked up. As he did, his brunette turned the corner and rounded onto the same street he stood on. There she was; his brunette in the black dress. Erin Lindsay.


	8. Screw Voight

**I want to say thank you to everyone sticking with this collection, I hope you're all enjoying! It really means a lot to me that you're continuing to review and I hope you know how motivation that is for me. Anyway, this ones a tad shorter, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. This one's jaelyn2001's.**

_**"Screw Voight, break the rules."**_

* * *

It was a dim October morning. Morning sounded more than accurate, since Jay read the time as 1:43am on the kitchen microwave. He wasn't tired though, not a chance.

After taking the finishing sip of his water, he slid the glass on the counter and trailed back through the darkness to the bedroom. Erin's bedroom. He padded past the foot of her bed and round to the left side. He thought of it as his side, he wondered if she did too.

Jay climbed into the bed, the warmth of the sheets already comforting his cold skin. As he pulled the duvet up to his chest and found comfort with his head on the pillow, he heard Erin speak up beside him.

"What are you doing?" She asked, humour in her voice.

They'd been doing this for a few months now; the whole no-strings-attached thing. What started off as a drunken decision led to something that managed to get the both through the day. Especially the difficult ones. They were in one of the loneliest lines of work, and having sex in the dead of night seemed to help that somehow.

The only problem was, Erin had certain ground rules.

"You're not seriously gonna make me go out there, right?" Jay replied, astounded. As if on queue, the raging combination of wind and rain picked up outside and roared an echo around them. He was facing Erin who momentarily allowed her eyes to flicker past him and out the large window.

"It's freezing out there." He added, taking the fact that she hadn't shot him down yet enough of motivation to continue. "In fact, it's kind of cold in here, too." Possibly pushing it, Jay moved his body onto his partner's side of the bed and closed the distance between them. He lay on his side next to her, threatening to encompass. He felt the warmness of her hip on his stomach and it soothed him.

"We might need to... Generate some heat." He silkily slid his body over hers, his hands locked under her pillow. He saw the glint of a smirk before bringing their lips together in a slow kiss, drawing her out and then bringing her back in. A noise escaped her throat and he tried not to let out a shiver at what she was doing to him.

Jay's eyes were still closed but seconds later he felt fingertips clutching at his neck, gaining leverage as Erin moved her lips to his timing.

After what felt like a lifetime, Jay felt her draw back. He knew he'd gotten close to winning her over, but almost inevitably, she pushed him away anyway. Her fingertips were still dancing on his neck, though. That had to account for something.

"We can't." She rasped. Jay noted that those words seemed to be deemed a personal favourite of Erin Lindsay. "If Hank drives past on the way to work and sees your car here... We're both screwed."

Halstead internally groaned at the mention of his superior's name. Erin always had a knack at bringing him up at the worst times; this time in particular, where Jay had on only some thin boxer shorts that separated him and Lindsay. Rolling his eyes, Halstead rolled off of his partner and back onto his side, instantly missing her body heat.

She started again, and Jay wished she wouldn't. "You know the rules that Voight set,-"

"Screw Voight." He practically barked before thinking better of it. "Screw the rules. I'm sick of following them."

Erin looked taken aback, but Jay didn't care. He knew she had a bond with their Sergeant and he rarely questioned that out of respect. But he also knew that climbing out of a bed with Erin Lindsay in it was one of the hardest things to do.

"Hey," Her finger tugged at his chin and brought his gaze back to her. She looked soft and sweet, and for a second the vicious weather outside seemed to be blocked out. With a sad look, Erin looked at her partner through the darkness.

In what felt like slow motion, Erin reached over to Jay and pressed her lips to his before he could even register what was happening. He felt her eyelids close through the fluttering of her lashes on his cheeks. He tasted her on his lips and felt her free hand pressed to his shoulder, running fingers up and down his biceps.

"Just tonight." She whispered when she finally broke them free. She shimmed down slightly and curled into his body. He felt a kiss pressed to his shoulder before she whispered a final comment. "Because of the cold."

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please drop a review with what you thought.**


	9. Chapter 4 (Cont)

**Sorry for not updating in a while, I've been crazily busy recently. Anyway, here's a continuation of chapter four by request. Since it's been a while, I do recommend you reread chapter four (like I had to do haha) just so your memory is refreshed. I hope you like it!**

* * *

They drank through the night, and all the while Erin tried not to look at her partner as though he was going to slip away any second. She found herself taking in all his features as though she'd never seen him before; the curve of his nose, the slight twitching of his lip when she said something bordering on flirty, the way his freckles burned under the bar lights. Everything suddenly felt so limited.

They left the bar late, and as they strode through the cold and towards her car, Erin looked down at their swinging hands and tried not to flush as the back of their hands grazed each other. Jay didn't react.

Just under the alcohol limit, Erin drove the two of them home, silently deciding that she'd bring Jay to pick up his car from Molly's in the morning. Right now she was tired and needed to escape from the day's events, if only for a few hours.

As Lindsay moved them through the strangely desolate streets, she didn't need to tell her partner that he was staying at her place tonight. She guessed his apartment was still packed into organised boxes, so everything would be easier if he just crashed on her couch for the night. That's what she told herself; that it would be for ease. But maybe she just wanted him close. Maybe she needed to check he wasn't getting ready to leave again.

"Hey, do you mind if we make a quick stop somewhere?" Jay uttered, his voice cracking slightly.

She didn't mind at all.

* * *

There was a frost to the air that bit through Jay to his core. It was times like these that a leather jacket proved wholly ineffective. So he simply shoved both hands into the side pockets and pushed the temperature from his mind.

The ground crunched beneath his feet as he strode through a place he'd become so accustomed to. Rows and rows of gravestones haunted the depths of his mind, the reality of death hitting him like the icy Chicago wind.

Before long, he found the piece of carved stone that stole the air from his lungs.

It read: **Ben Corson 1999-2007.**

It should've read: _Ben Corson, the boy taken before he had a chance._

_Ben Corson, too young for this._

_Ben Corson, unprotected._

Snow trudged around the gravestone and crunched as Jay stepped an inch closer. The wind was burning now; burning the skin of his face and the tips of his fingers and the beating muscle inside his chest.

Biting a lip, Halstead dragged out his phone from his back pocket and looked at the empty screen. Not a text or call from Allie. It truly was goodbye.

He swallowed the bile in his throat and gripped his hair and a pull of frustration. He couldn't protect Ben. He'd let down Allie.

His hand dropped limp at his side as he fought back the tears.

Just then, he felt a warmth encapsulating his fingertips. A glow to ice storm. A light at the end of the tunnel. An ounce of hope in his darkness.

He didn't even hear her approaching, yet he was so glad she did. Erin wasn't looking at him, instead down and at the words before them both. He felt her thumb circle a spot on his hand as their fingers interlocked and she drew closer.

Their bodies pact side by side, they blew out puffs of icy air simultaneously and waited through the cold.

* * *

He didn't speak much; there wasn't a lot to be said. He nodded and 'hmmm'd at words his partner spoke but his heart wasn't in it. So he followed her out of the car and into her apartment, then sank into the couch beside her and accepted the beer she offered. He drank meaningless sips and felt the exhaustion of the day set in.

"I'm glad you stayed, partner." Erin finally said when her beer was empty.

He smiled. He was pretty glad too.

When Lindsay lifted her body from the couch, he felt the loss of warmth.

"Well," She started softly, breaking through the intimate silence. "I'm calling it a night."

"Can I ask you something?" She stopped halfway to her room and turned back around and nodded after a few seconds. "Why did you ask me to stay?"

He watched her breathe out and pause her entire being for a second. Everything disintegrated and all that was left was an intimacy that scared the both of them.

She darted out her tongue to the bottom of her lip, and she took a few steps closer to her partner. She twiddled her fingers together before she found the courage to speak again.

"Do you remember that night at my reunion? We went to the hotel bar." He nodded. He never forgot. "And I said 'maybe one day'... And you said-"

"Definitely." He finished for her, the ghost of a nostalgic smile dancing across his lips. She flashed him a saddened smile at that.

Erin paused again, thinking it might take all night for her to get out what she wanted to say.

"Well, I meant it." Lindsay said, shocking herself a little with the strength of her words.

_So did I,_ Jay thought. But Erin looked pained and on the verge of saying more so he kept his mouth shut.

"And I don't know if 'one day' is gonna be tomorrow, or in a year... Or maybe even ten years. All I know is that I don't want to miss it. And that's selfish, I know. But you should know that I'm waiting, okay?"

And he nodded. Because he was too.

"Erin," He called her name before she slipped away into the night. "Do you love him?"

She gave him a sad smile and for a single second, Jay thought his partner was coming closer to him. Instead, she replied boldly and held his gaze for an everlasting second. "No."

And maybe that was all Jay needed for the hope of One Day.

* * *

**Not my best, but I hope you guys still found it enjoyable!**


	10. Chapter 7 (Cont)

**Second update in one night! Thank you all for being patient with me, and I will try and write when I can. I have a lot of work to do, as well as a project type thing with McShipper hopefully coming soon!**

**As with the previous chapter, I recommend re-reading chapter seven, as this is a continuation of that chapter and you may want to refresh your memory. **

* * *

He stood watching her. The way she stood and owned everything around her. She didn't look like Erin Lindsay; not the one he was used to anyway. Showing more skin than Jay had seen in a while, she was glowing. The soft wind captured her hair in a light dance across her bare shoulders. Her fingers clutched a small bag in front of her stomach as she took in her surroundings.

The warm glow from the restaurant radiated to the street, illuminating Erin. Before he could register what he was doing, Jay found himself moving closer to his partner. A magnetic pull.

It took a few more seconds for her to notice him amongst the crowd on the street.

"What are you doing here?"

He stared blankly at her, still at a loss for words. He was aware of his mouth hanging agape, struggling to find anything to register what was happening. To why she was at the same restaurant. To why she was wearing a dress. To why she had suddenly gone from that softened look to her rugged self.

"Oh my god. I'm going to kill her."

Everything seemed to speed up to real time and Jay snapped out of whatever temporary state of bliss he was in. He caught up as his partner whipped her phone from the clutch she was holding and held it to her ear following a few angry taps to the screen.

"You get what's going on here, right?" She asked as the phone rang into her ear. Evidently, the look on Jay's face proved he didn't. Until seconds later.

Ruzek was an ass. That's all there was to it.

Jay grabbed his phone back from his pocket and angrily tapped the screen himself. It was one thing being a meddler at work, but Adam had overstepped here.

"Dammit," He mumbled when he heard the smug voice of Adam's answer phone. "Voicemail."

"I swear to god Kim, you're dead when I see you tomorrow." Erin growled into the phone before hitting the end button. Jay guessed she hit voicemail too. Burgess and Ruzek were gonna have hell to pay tomorrow.

With a creased brow, Jay watched as Erin appeared to flush through her cheeks. Was she embarrassed?

"We're such idiots." She stated, rolling her eyes at her self. She angrily shoved her phone back in her clutch and pushed a strand of hair behind her hair that the wind had tangled.

Just then, Erin felt something drop in her stomach. As though this could get any worse. Walking right through the detective's line of vision was possibly the last person she wanted to see.

"Oh my god." Erin mumbled, her mouth barely moving. She felt Jay's eyes on her and knew him well enough to guess that his brow was creased in confusion.

"What?" He asked, turning his head to find what she was looking at.

"Erin?" Stephanie's voice sent chills down Lindsay's spine. As her childhood 'friend' grew closer and drew Erin in for a painfully long, awkward hug, her eyes went to Jay. She watched how it all clicked in his head; how he placed the woman squeezing her tightly to the one outside of the hotel on the night of the reunion.

"Erin, this is my husband." Steph finally said once she relinquished the painful hold, turning to face a man standing nearby Jay. "Don, this is Erin. We go way back." A forced smile and an even more forced 'nice to meet you' later and the four of them were plummeted into an awkward silence.

Stephanie cleared her throat and Erin caught on.

"Oh, right..." She started awkwardly. Too many bizarre things were happening at once she forgot basic manners. "This is my..." Partner? Date? Best Friend who I got set up with? "Jay." My Jay? She cringed internally.

"Jay Halstead." He introduced with full composure, shaking the hands of the two strangers.

"Well Jay, it's very nice to meet you." Stephanie cooed. Jay kept the forced smile painted on his face.

"Likewise."

"Are you two... Are you planning to eat here tonight?" Trying her absolute hardest not to roll her eyes, Erin nodded. She'd never forget the way Stephanie lived to embarrass another human being. "Oh sweetie, this really isn't your scene. I mean, I never really pictured you in a place like this. No offence." Offence taken.

Lindsay was used to crap like that though. So instead of reading into Steph's words as saying she's the kind of girl to eat dinner from a dingy food truck after doing a line of coke, Erin clenched her jaw and tried her hardest not to retaliate.

"That's weird," Jay started soon after, a light tone to his voice. "because we eat here every week."

Steph's jaw practically dropped.

"In fact, we were just saying that the chicken's actually a little dry for us now. So I guess you're right, then. Erin's scene is a little classier than this. But please, enjoy your evening. Actually, you know what? You can take our reservation. I know how hard it is to get a table here."

Lindsay was struggling to keep up with the ease in which Jay spoke, as though the look of inferiority and pity that Stephanie put out was completely non existent.

"Actually, we-" before Stephanie could fathom a response, probably along the lines of 'my husband is a renowned accountant, we can attain seats here whenever we please', Jay slid his hand around his partner's, gripping her close before turning on his heel.

"It was great to meet you."

Still virtually speechless, Erin couldn't even register what Steph was pathetically retorting as she and Jay strode down the street.

His hand was warm against hers, a barrier to the cold. It wasn't until they turned the street that their hands slid free and Jay broke out into a smirk.

"What the hell was that?" Lindsay exclaimed, close to laughter. She wished she had recorded the look of shock on the face of the girl who once made her life misery.

"Did you see the look on their faces?" Jay chuckled, giddy. "Priceless. Come on, I'm hungry."

He didn't give her chance to protest before striding down the street, and before she could think, Lindsay was hurrying to keep up with him.

"Hold on a second," She started, grabbing his arm and holding him still. "Why on earth would I possibly play along with this ridiculous blind date arrangement?" Her smile was bold and challenging.

"Come on, I know this is a dream of yours. In fact, I'm not entirely convinced you didn't set up this thing tonight." Jay said. A wind picked up and blew Erin's hair, concealing her smile.

"You wish."

"You wish."

"No," Erin pushed forward, bumping her shoulder with Jay's. "_You_ wish."

His grin faded to a simple smile and everything seemed to slow down for a brief second. It was just the two detectives, dressed to the nines, standing on a Chicago corner under a streetlight.

"You wanna eat or not?" Jay finally asked, giving his partner the opportunity to bring the night to a very early end.

And Erin didn't have to think twice.

* * *

"I remember this place," Erin breathed as she and Jay walked through the aisles in the deserted diner. A radio played softly in the background and only two booths were occupied in the whole place. "We came here last year, after we nailed Burke for that drug ring."

Jay nodded with a smile, taking Erin to the furthest back booth. He slid onto one bench, she the opposite.

"Figured this was more 'us' than some fancy restaurant." Erin pretended something did flutter inside of her at the sound of 'us'. "And since you're paying I thought you might like this place a little better."

"We'll see how this goes. I don't pay for bad dates." Erin assured him, resting her hands on the table in front of her.

"So, this is a date?" Lindsay rolled her eyes. "I'm just confirming. In case Voight kidnaps me and wants the intel, it'll look a lot better for me when I tell him this was consensual."

Erin snorted, looking down at the table. "He's not as bad as you make out, you know."

"Right." Jay wasn't convinced.

"And he'd never kidnap you." She added with a glint in her eye. "He could torture you in the cage just fine."

"I know you're kidding, but a part of me is ready to bolt out the door, Erin."

"Jeez," She laughed again. "Are you always this tense on dates?"

"Only with you."

* * *

Jay ordered them coffees and waffles. Not exactly the dinner Erin had in mind. But she loved it nonetheless. There was something so freeing about sitting across from him, laughing at the cream on his chin and stealing a sip of his beverage after she'd finished her own. She'd actually forgotten her anger at Burgess, too. She forgot Voight's rule, she forgot any time she had any kind of doubt about Jay Halstead.

He'd taken his blazer off and rolled up the sleeves to his shirt. His hair was tousled slightly, his grin sideways.

"I've gotta say…" Erin started slowly after a long sip of her coffee. "This is the first time I've had waffles on a date. And it's not half bad." It still felt weird to call it a date. Even if that's exactly what it was.

"'Not half bad'? Is that a compliment?"

"Don't read too much into it." She joked. She broke off a bit of her waffle and scooped it up with whipped cream, savouring the taste. "So, how many girls have you brought here?"

"You're the first." He said it nonchalantly, all the while Erin's stomach did somersaults. "But now that I know it's 'not half bad', I might have to try it out."

"You should. Waffles and coffee for dinner as a first date is every girl's dream." She feigned swooning, struggling to conceal her snark.

"Are you always this sarcastic on dates?"

"Only with you." She countered, a grin extending across her face.

She watched him for a second, noting how he seemed to be hesitating with saying something. Finally, he let it out. "Okay, so say this is a first date, with some guy who isn't me. And you're not here, you're at Marcello's. What are your moves?"

"My moves?" She stifled a laugh, face contorted in a half-smile.

"Yeah, you know, your moves. Little things to keep it flirty. To let the guy know you're interested."

She paused for a second, battling with whether or not they were on dangerous territory.

"Okay." She finally agreed, shuffling in her seat to get comfortable. "Well, to start with it's just light touching. Like this,"

Jay felt her foot pressed against his leg. Nothing special, just a slight graze. Yet it somehow managed to send tingles through his entire being. Or maybe it was the way she was looking at him. Or maybe it was both those things.

"And then this," Her hand swept out and glided onto Jay's. Fingertips stroked the back of his hand. It was electric.

"And then this." Her voice seemed raspier as she went on. Using the same hand, her fingertips left his and traveled to his face. Leaning over the desk slightly to reach him, Erin's thumb ran along the corner of his mouth, achingly slow, to wipe away some cream he didn't even know was there. Her fingertips were tingling on his jaw.

Her eyes swiftly jumped from his parted lips to his engrossed eyes, before smiling mischievously as she let go and slumped back down into the booth.

"And that's how it's done."

"That was, uh… That was..."

"I know." She said, fully aware of the effect she had.

"And when that doesn't work?" His momentary state of being stunned had ended and banterous Jay was back.

"Oh, trust me. It always works." She assured him, the grin never leaving her lips.

* * *

After eating the last chunk of waffle on her plate, Erin plucked up the courage to get real with Jay for a minute. "Look, about earlier…"

"No worries."

"You didn't have to do that back there." She said, thinking back to him outside of Marcello's, putting Steph to shame.

"Someone did."

He hoped that she understood. He hoped that she finally realised that he wasn't just a guy who had her back when she had a badge pinned to her side; he was the guy to hold the front when she wasn't strong enough to, wherever they were. He was the guy to pick her up when things got heavy.

"Thank you."

"That's why you have back up, right?"

"Yeah." She spoke softly and looked him right in the eye. "And I'm so glad you're mine."

"My, uh, back up." She choked out, upon hearing the words she spoke and how they came out. "That's what I meant."

"Whatever you say." Jay chuckled.

* * *

They finished at the diner at eleven, time passing them both by. As they strode down the street, Erin with her partner's blazer across her shoulders and Jay keeping unconsciously close to her, everything finally felt at peace somehow.

"How do we get them back, then?" Jay finally said, breaking the most comfortable silence he'd ever been a part of.

"Huh?"

"Burgess and Ruzek."

"Oh, right." Somewhere in the midst of it all, those two had escaped Lindsay's mind.

"I was thinking we could tell Voight that Ruzek took you out on a date." Halstead said, his seriousness making Erin chuckle. "That way, he gets the beating as punishment for tonight, but it also softens the blow for later on. You know, for when Voight finds out about us."

"Wow. You're _that_ sure there's gonna be an 'us'?." Jay came to a slow stop underneath a streetlamp, seeing Erin clearly. The depth of her dimples and the curve of her chin. The way her eyes seemed to glisten as she looked at him.

Even though Erin knew he was messing with her, there was still an erratic beating in her chest when he leaned in softly.

"Oh, definitely." He mumbled it through the cold air with a grin that made her melt. But then his smile broke out into a soft chuckle and he started walking again, slow at first to ensure Erin caught pace next to him.

They walked in silence for a few moments, the cold setting in both of them.

"You know if we really wanted to torture Burgess, we could get her to go on the date with you next time."

Jay immediately bumped her shoulder as she erupted in laughter. "I'm kidding, I'm totally kidding."

"I hate to break it to you, but you just blew your chance at a second date."

"Damn," She moaned, biting her lip to stop from grinning. "And I was really looking forward to learning all about your moves."

"You couldn't handle my moves." He scoffed, tucking his hands into his pockets as a barrier to the cold.

"Quick question, do you moves consist only of waffles and scrabble?"

He slowed down softly and turned to Erin, stepping extremely close. "My scrabble moves are a whole other conversation." He whispered, the wind carrying his words right to her ear.

Before Erin could catch her breath, they were walking again. And it just then occurred to her that they were walking in the completely opposite direction to their cars. Somehow, she didn't quite mind.

* * *

"I'm starting to think this was a stupid plan." Kim chattered in the passenger seat, a worried look painted across her face. She and Adam were parked across the street from Lindsay's building, waiting for her to return.

"You're just now realising this?" Adam asked, thumbing the steering wheel.

With a sigh, Burgess took out her phone and hit the voicemail option. _"I swear to god Kim, you're dead when I see you tomorrow."_ Erin's message echoed through the silence, her anger evident.

"That sounds pretty serious to me," Kim worried out loud, returning her phone to her pocket.

"Will you relax, what's the worst she's gonna do to us?"

"Did you not hear the message?" Kim responded with an absurd look on her face. Adam just sighed, but Burgess played him the message again just for good measure.

"Where are they, anyway?" Ruzek mumbled a few minutes later, squinting across the street. It was 11:41pm and Erin's car still wasn't there. Kim took the opportunity to suggest that Lindsay had gone to find Voight and the two were detailing out the officer's murder. Adam laughed. Kim hit him, then played the message again.

"Honestly, at this rate, I'm never getting brought into Intelligence. I'll be stuck with Platt forev-"

"Is that them?" Ruzek interrupted, pointing to two figures walking in the distance. They both squinted in unison, trying to make out the silhouettes.

"Oh my god, I think it is."

The two were walking slowly. Closely. His jacket was around her body and they were both laughing.

"Look how happy they are!" Burgess gushed, finally getting the chance to relax. "We're genuises."

* * *

Erin felt something drop inside of her when they reached her building. She Jay's face fall too, and wondered if he was feeling the same thing.

"Well…" He breathed as they stood on the steps to her building.

"I had a great time."

"Me too."

Neither moved. Neither looked away. Neither acknowledged how desperate they were not to let it end.

"Do you wanna… Come up for a drink?" She asked, hoping the hopefulness of her tone wasn't too obvious.

He smiled sadly and dropped her gaze for a second. "I should probably get going."

She nodded, breathing out the cold air. Jay still hadn't moved, and instead was looking at Erin. She gulped and felt a thudding in her chest.

"You know," She started in a soft whisper, almost without thinking. "I think there's one more move I have to show you."

She leaned in and kissed his smile. Their lips dissolved against one anothers, everything else becoming completely irrelevant. His lips were soft and moved tentatively against hers, pushing where she wanted and holding back when she needed. Her fingertips were on his neck and tracing the line of his jaw. His tongue collided with hers, and what started as slow soon became the thing to make her heart beat faster than it had in a while. And all the while, Erin felt as though it had been something she'd been doing her whole life.

It never once crossed her mind that he was her partner, and seeing him at work the next day was going to be very awkward. Or that he was her best friend and acting on feelings she'd learned to bury was one of the stupidest things she could do. Or that Voight had practically forbidden her to have anything romantic with him. All that she thought of was that it was the best date of her life, and the idea of waffles with Jay Halstead was the best thing she could think of.

When they finally broke apart, their foreheads rested against each other. Erin could feel Jay's smile before he spoke. "A drink sounds great."

* * *

**Please tell me how you found this chapter in a review! And don't forget to keep sending in prompts to keep me motivated!**


	11. I Needed This

**Hi all, hope you guys are doing good! I'm really trying to work on quick updates, but things are pretty hectic right now. Nevertheless, here's another chapter, based on a prompt from Kelon. Thank you for submitting this one!**

**[I think one was requested was before this, I'll have to check, but I definitely intend to complete everything you guys send in so don't worry, I'll get to it as soon as I can! Inspiration hasn't really been around recently, so I kind of rolled with this one without checking any previous ones.]**

**Anyway, there are probably a few mistakes but I hope you enjoy!**

_******"I needed this. Thank you for thinking of me." **_

* * *

It was hard for Erin to actually accept where she was. Working in New York City on a task force for the Feds was an unmissable opportunity, and although she debated for hours over the offer, she inevitably knew that it was what she wanted. Despite the things tying her to Chicago, Lindsay left for the Big Apple a mere month after Cott approached her in the precinct.

She stood in her office, hugging her frame as she leaned against the glass of the window. It was a giant window; one that spanned from the floor to the ceiling and offered a view of busy New York. She'd look out at random points during the day, taking in everything below her and how surreal it all felt.

It was nine thirty, and Erin thought back to Chicago. They were probably at Molly's. Ruzek was probably ordering another round of shots, Olinsky was probably slouched in the corner and Jay was probably laughing at something stupid Antonio said.

She breathed out and bit her lip. Thinking back to her team was painful.

She's been in her position for six weeks, and for six weeks she'd tried to maintain contact with those back in Chicago. She was texting Teddy as often as she could. Nadia, too. Her mother had called her once, but she rejected the call. That was something that was still going to gradually take time. She'd spoken to Voight seven times, two of which were less than five minutes of rushed conversation before they were pulled apart by menial responsibilities. Ruzek had drunkenly texted her a couple of times saying she was missed, and she'd reached out to Dawson to inquire about his progressing family situation, hoping it was all well.

Then there was Jay. Her ex-partner, the one who made her heart ache when she thought back to him. She'd tried the most with Jay to not let their friendship fade. But ironically, they'd spoken the least. Like ships in the night, their passing efforts frustrated the hell out of Erin; she'd call and hit voicemail, guessing he was busy. She'd be about to blow open an investigation, and her phone would buzz with his face lighting up the screen, forcing her to again put him second as work came first. Texts got lost and messages faded. And she missed him.

The glass was cool against her bare arms, and the rational side of her brain told her to call it a night and head home. But the lights were racing in front of her and she found it difficult to look away. She missed Chicago.

She missed the air that was so cold is burned. She missed the beers she'd get with her team after a tough week. She missed that feeling of belonging.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open. She didn't hear the footstep, and she almost didn't hear that had been echoing in her mind for weeks.

"Hey."

She looked over her shoulder, half thinking she was hallucinating. The air got thick and she was scared to blink, scared for what was before her to disappear.

"What are you doing here?" Although 'hi' was her first thought, she was so shocked to hear Jay Halstead that nothing in her head made sense.

She watched with a thumping heart as he took a step closer, shutting the door behind him. With just the two of them, locked and held together, she could finally breathe. As though all she'd been doing was holding her breath for the past six weeks.

Everything came into focus all at one; Jay's stubble, rough against his jaw. His dark jeans, his black shirt. His dogtag against his neck. His biceps, the curve of his nose, the softness of his eyes.

And a pizza box.

"Sal's was having a sale. Figured you'd want one."

She managed to exhale a laugh, even in her temporary state of shock. "You took a two hour flight to bring me a pizza?" He flashed a smile and dropped his head, his free hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"I miss you." He added after a while, still stood by the door.

"I miss you, too." Their smiles found each other, longing hearts softly and slowly beating to the same pace again.

He slowly took steps forward, placing the box onto her desk. Shoving hands in his jeans pockets, Jay took in the surroundings. Erin rubbed her arms as Halstead looked around the room, a look of awe growing on his face. A face she'd missed so much.

"Your own office, huh?" He noted, a warm smile settling on his lips.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, it's... It's pretty surreal." Understatement, but she guessed he knew that already. Jay always appeared one step ahead of her.

"I bet. But Chicago's got one thing you don't." He stepped closer, until it was only her mahogany desk seperating them. She realised how much she wanted to reach out and touch him. He bit his lip before reaching down to lift the pizza box lid. "The best pizza in the world."

* * *

They sat down on the floor, their backs against the high windows and a pizza box between them. Erin dived in, savouring each cold bite she took. It tasted like home.

And that's all there was; the sound of soft chewing and a distant humming of New York traffic below them.

"God," Erin began as she started on her fourth slice. "I forgot how good a Chicago deep pan is." She groaned into the bite, elicitng a laugh from Halstead beside her.

"Can't beat it." He agreed, tilting his head back so it rested against the cool glass. Erin felt him looking at her, and the warmth of that glance seemed to set her whole body in a burning heat.

After taking a final bite, she tossed the crust back to the box and leaned back, too. Tilting her head to the right, she looked straight at him. A guy she'd missed so much her heart began to ache.

"How's Voight?" She asked after what felt like forever.

"He's been better. He's kinda distracted a lot... Like his head's someplace else." Erin knew the feeling. "But, we went out for drinks the other night and-"

"What?" She asked, not sure she'd heard it right. As far as she remembered, there was a thick tension between Hank and Jay that seemed to make everyone uncomfortable. Voight was always wary that Jay was going to get too wrapped up in a romance to stay focused on the job and Halstead never liked his Sergeant's tactics.

"I know," Jay said with a laugh. God, she missed that sound. "Pretty crazy, right?"

"More like unimaginable." Erin laughed.

"And, he, uh... He asked me to look out for Justin." He made eye contact again. A burning feeling ignited in her. "Said I could talk to him about my time serving, or something."

"That's great." This felt surreal; the way everything seemed to be falling into focus the minute she left. Why couldn't Hank bond with Jay while she was still his partner? Why couldn't Justin show Jay respect when she was there to witness it?

"Yeah..." He seemed to trail off, and Erin wondered if his headspace was the same as hers. "In fact..." He reached into his back pocket and drew out his wallet. Flicking it open, he pulled out a small picture and handed it to her.

A sonogram.

"Me and Justin hit the gym the other day and he gave it to me. He said whenever I was gonna come up to see you, he wanted you to have it."

Erin thumbed the picture in front of her, smiling down at the squiggly lines and shapes that didn't seem to make sense, but made her heart swell.

"Thank you." She said, looking up at him again. He smiled in response and held her gaze.

Her lips parted to tell him something but her throat went dry before she could. For the past six weeks, she'd had speeches swimming through her head, she'd typed out essays on her phone to send to him, all the while backing down before hitting send. And yet there he was, sitting right in front of her, close enough for her fingertips to touch his cheek and her lips to tingle against his. And she was silent.

Maybe it was because everything felt inevitable. Because although he was on her New York Office floor, in a matter of hours he'd be back in Chicago and she'd be back to missing him more than she thought possible.

"There are still days when this doesn't feel real." Jay eventually said, his gaze firmly on the space between them. "And I'll walk into the precinct, expecting you to be standing there, just... Pouring coffee."

She nodded and frowned sadly. She knew what he meant.

There were days where her eyes would flutter open into the darkness, and her head was light. Days where it wouldn't immediately hit her, where she was. Where she'd think she was in Chicago, and the district was just a mere ten minute drive like always. And then realisation would hit her, and she'd have to ignore that sinking feeling deep inside of her as she dragged herself out the door to an apartment she still couldn't call home.

She bit her lip and looked up at Jay, their eyes meeting. And it felt like home.

Feeling her breath being stolen away, Erin looked back down and clenched her jaw before speaking, wondering what good it would do to let some truth slip now.

"You know, I..." She could feel her heart thudding in her chest. "I almost didn't get on that plane." She felt his eyes on her, urging her on. "I had your number on my phone, ready to call, and everything..." She let out a hollow laugh but it echoed hauntingly.

"Call me to say what?" Her breath quickened again, her pulse thumping. A part of was is back in the break-room, the small kitchen area adjacent to Hank's office. She could feel the sweat gather in her palms, like it did whenever he moved close to her in that room, and her heart sang out in fear and excitement, dreading the moment Voight was sure to walk in and catch her painfully aching for the guy in front of her.

And even though she was in New York City, and Chicago was a mere star in her skyline, she still felt that same fear.

"That I wasn't ready for this." She finally replied, her eyes flickering around the room. They finally landed on Jay. "That I wasn't ready to leave." She tried to add the word 'you' to the end of the sentence, but the sound got caught in her throat.

"So, what changed?" He asked, his eyes unmoving. She thought she could faintly detect a tone of hurt in his voice, but it was gone almost as quickly as it came.

"I realised that life isn't meant to be convenient." She replied blandly, her eyes unconsciously sad.

Truthfully, she stood on that terminal and thought about how easy it would be to back out of the whole thing. Voight would take her back with open arms, as would her unit. The State Attorney would be pissed, and Erin would have a lot of crap to take for it but it would eventually fade.

And maybe that's what scared her the most; the safety of it all. For once, she needed to rely on herself. She was grateful to Voight, but she needed to get away and work on her own career. It wasn't fair to burden him forever.

After a few moments, Jay crept to his feet. Erin watched him as he slowly rounded on her desk, looking down at a frame propped in the corner. He turned the picture round to him and she felt something swell inside of her when a small smile crept on his lips.

"This is a great picture." He mumbled, eyes looking down and refusing to leave the sight. Somewhere between him saying it and looking up, Erin had followed him off the floor and to the desk. She was close to him, looking at him with hopeful eyes and a smile that broke something inside of him.

And then all at once there were tears in her eyes. She wasn't a snivelling wreck and she wasn't strong and composed. She was in the in between state where everything was shaky and uncertain.

"Look, uh..." Her voice was raspier than usual, holding in the emotion. She looked down at blinked back any tears threatening to fall in front of Jay. "I needed this tonight. Thank you for thinking of me."

The words were on the tip of his tongue:_ I'm always thinking of you_. But it was cheesy and would make anything between them uncomfortable. So instead he smiled back at her, stepping closer until her perfume surrounded him.

"No problem." The word was begging to be said, achingly forming on his tongue. And since he'd already silenced himself once, he let the term flow from his lips without a care. "Partner."

He heard the breath leave her lips and the smile stretch across her face, from dimple to dimple. They were partners. Nothing would change that.

She exhaled a breathy smile and enveloped their bodies without giving it a second thought. Her arms were snaked around his shoulders, hugging him tight to her body. Although tensed at first, he quickly eased into her body and let himself melt into her.

Her breaths were heavy, heaving her chest into his with each gulp of air she drew. She squeezed her eyes shut and hugged him a little tighter, scared if she didn't, he was going to fade away.

When the fire settled and the heat between them burned a little less intently, Jay felt her grip loosen and her eventually reluctant pulling away. As a small distance between them formed, Halstead leaned back in, ducking his head slightly lower in order to allow their lips to meet.

Erin was stiff for the first second, her whole body freezing at the notion of Jay's lips on hers. His hand was still on her waist from the hug and the skin beneath his fingertips burned.

Her lips pushed back a beat later, moving and gliding in a desperate attempt to make up all the time she'd lost in her life not kissing Jay Halstead. Her hands were on his shoulders. Then neck. Then in his hair. Tugging and pulling. He bit her lip.

At some point, Jay spun Erin and she felt dizzy, not daring to open her eyes out of fear of breaking the moment. She felt the wood of her desk pressed against the back of her thighs, and soon glided herself on top with the help of Jay.

The kisses then became feverish. She fisted his shirt and tugged him closer. His tongue found its way into her mouth as he stood between her parted legs.

She heard a rustling of papers and stationery as Jay attempted to move scattered objects from around Erin, his kisses slightly sloppy in the effort. She heard things fly from the desk and hit the floor, all the while the beating of her heart overpowering it all.

Then a loud crash brought them back to reality. It was Erin's landline that had gone flying to the floor. Her eyes flashed open but she couldn't suppress the chuckle in her throat. Jay rested his forehead against Lindsay's and laughed with her, his whole body moving in his chortle.

It was deathly silent apart from the contagious laughter of the two, and Erin relished the lightness in her heart she'd been struggling so much to find. After a few moments, she pulled her head backwards to get a clear view into the eyes of her partner.

"Is this gonna be a regular thing?" She asked in a hoarse whisper, the smile never leaving her lips. "Pizza and making out on my desk?"

A larger smirk graced his lips, and Erin realised she could look at it forever.

"You bet."

* * *

**Please leave me a review telling me how you found this one!**


	12. I Really Need Someone Right Now

**Bonjour guys, how's it all going? I'm sorry for the long update, I've been swamped at the moment. While I'm not all that proud of this chapter, I have been putting a lot of effort into the next one, which I hope will compensate. It should be done fairly soon, so I'll get that posted as soon as I can.**

**I hope you enjoy this one! Credit goes out to Bubbly88Tay, thanks for sending it in! Just a heads up, this one takes place during 1x06.**

_**"Where do you go when you have no one to back you up? When you have no one to hold you and tell you it's going to be alright? Because I don't know, and you're the only person who came to mind, and I really need someone right now."**_

* * *

A part of Erin wanted to ignore Jay for days, to give him the silent treatment so ferociously that he'd have to apologise and owe her big time. But as she stood in the venue to her High School reunion, surrounded by fake, rich snobs and an atmosphere that made her want to down all the alcohol in the vicinity, she couldn't blame her partner for saying no.

His declining of her offer was pretty standard. He said he had beers with the guys and he wasn't the best real boyfriend, let alone pretend fiance. Plus the fact that Voight was on their backs every five minutes about keeping their relationship strictly professional, which Erin guessed factored in greatly to why Halstead didn't want to be there.

"Erin Lindsay." She was interrupted from her reverie by a group of glamorized soccer moms, travelling in a pack, making their way over to her.

It was 9.30pm, and Erin had already had enough. Apart from an open bar, there was nothing remotely enjoyable about the evening. The only reason she had stuck around for so long was because of a desperate desire to save face, which seemed less and less important to her as the night progressed.

"You are the last person we thought we'd see here, tonight." Bethany Slater commented, flicking her extensions over her shoulder as her posse nodded in agreement.

_God_, Erin thought. _We really are back in High School._ She felt her lips widen as she fought to force a smile, smoothing down the front of her dress as she stood uncomfortably in the presence of her former peers.

"Yeah, well, here I am." Erin managed, her jaw aching from the plastic smile.

"So how are you, anyway? Steph tells us you're cop now?" Erin heard sniggers and told herself to keep her cool. She was earning triple what any of these assholes were, she was respected by her unit and she loved what she did. She didn't need the approval of people who ruined her life thirteen years ago.

"Yeah..."

"You do undercover much? Y'know, pretending to be someone you're not?" Erin's teeth gritted. _Keep your cool._

Lindsay exhaled a painful laugh, her tongue running on the inside of her cheek to stop from snarling.

"Well that's really great." Bethany continued, urged on by the childish giggles from behind her. Erin pushed aside the anger that bubbled inside of her. "You hear from your family much?"

That's when the stifled laughter really went going. Erin realised in that moment to the people in front of her, she was always going to be the low-life piece of trash with a drugged up mother and imprisoned father. She wasn't going to change their opinion of her.

She didn't need that crap, not after the day she'd had. The pained smile slid from her lips and she mumbled a quiet 'excuse me' as she filed out of the room. The music quietened as she slipped into a darkened corridor, willing herself not to let any tears fall.

There was only one person who swept his way into her mind. As she looked at the photo on his contact information, she already felt better.

She wasn't all that surprised to reach his voicemail; Molly's could get pretty loud sometimes and he was was probably having a blast. His answer message calmed the sickness in her stomach and she couldn't explain how badly she wished he was next to her in that moment.

"Hey, it's me. I don't wanna interrupt your night, so I'll keep this short..." She began quietly, though her voice quivered in its rasp. "Uhm... Where do you go when you have no one to back you up? When you have no one to hold you and tell you it's going to be alright? Because I don't know, and you're the only person who came to mind, and I really need someone right now." She stopped again, running a hand through her hair as she tried to collect her thoughts. "Can you just... Call me tonight when you get home, and we could maybe meet up for a beer? I could really use one. Alright... Uh, have a good night."

She ended the message feeling like an idiot. Jay was smart for not coming, she just wished she shared his intelligence on this particular outlook. She leaned back against the wall with a sigh, before counting to ten in her head and making her way back into the function room.

She sucked in a breath and looked down at her feet, gaining the strength to find her way to the door and once and for all turn her back on the stuck up bitches from St. Ignatius.

_Ten minutes_. She told herself, the sniggering of her peers echoing in ever crevice of her mind. _Ten minutes and you're out of here. _

The music pounded in her ears and as she looked up, the dim lights made things a little hazy. The scene in front of her looked more like an hallucination.

Stood by the entrance, was her partner. Dressed in a sharp black suit, he looked around anxiously with his hands tucked deep inside of his pockets and searched the room with his eyes.

Erin didn't even realise she was nearing him until his eyes found her, then everything slowly came into focus.

"Hey." She mumbled when he was close enough to hear over the music. She was so confused to see him there, everything rational slipped from her brain.

"Hey." He replied a beat later, a light smile dancing across his lips. She watched his brow furrowed and saw as he struggled for words."I should've been here from the start. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was a mistake coming here tonight."

Jay opened his mouth to speak but all Erin could hear was a voice that sounded like hell coming from behind her.

"Erin?" It was Steph, coming nearer with eyebrows raised in surprise. "You brought someone?"

Erin looked from Steph back to Jay. "Yeah, this is my..." She was sick of undercover. She was sick of pretending around these people. _'This is my co-worker who I told to come here tonight as my fiance'_ sounded awfully pathetic to Erin, though.

Before she could fathom a response, Jay stepped in and answered for her.

"Partner." He told Steph with a smile. Erin let out a breath of relief, it wasn't a lie, but it gave just the illusion she needed it to. "I'm Jay." Erin couldn't ignore the twitch in Steph's eyebrow, the subtle flash of confusion on her face. It was washed away within a second, but it eased Lindsay somehow.

"Well, Jay, it's great to meet you." She replied, shaking his hand with a somewhat dreamy smile. Steph was then ushered away and towards some other people with whom she feigned having a long history with, leaving just Jay and Erin.

"We don't have to do this." Erin told her partner, eyes wide and honest.

"Sure we do."

He gave a soft smile and reached out his hand. Blood thumped in her ears as she looked into his eyes. He'd just arrived. He didn't get her voicemail yet. He didn't hear how much she needed him, but he knew it anyway. He came anyway. Erin's eyes fluttered as she took his hand, her heart thudding as his fingers linked with hers and squeezed tight.

* * *

"So, how long have you guys been together?"

Erin shot Jay a nervous look. Sure, she'd planned out the details just fine; but they were the details for her engagement. Jay going with the whole double entendre of 'partner' meant the ball was in his court. And Lindsay prayed his charm would get them both through the night.

"Awhile." He replied coyly, a smile tugging the corner of his lips as he looked to his right and into Erin's eyes. "It took a while for me to win her over, though."

Erin bit her cheek. She couldn't remember a time when he'd looked at her so fiercely, as though flames flickered around them and everything was somehow in high definition.

"Well, you two certainly make an adorable couple."

Erin dropped the gaze finally and willed herself not to blush, at both the comment and the way Jay's thumb traced up and down on the back of her hand.

* * *

Although it was still fairly torturous, enduring fruitless conversations with people she loathed, Erin couldn't deny how much better her mood had gotten when Halstead appeared. It didn't hurt that half the women she introduced him to seemed to literally swoon as he shook their hand, either. Not that she could blame them, his suit did look pretty great. Not that she'd ever admit that to his face.

It was nearly 11pm, and Erin was pretty sure they'd spoken to everyone. And she had to admit, her partner had handled questions about their relationship extremely well. Vague enough not to make it feel like a complete lie, but intricate enough not to draw questions or suspicion.

They were sat at one of the tables in the corner, dark ambience and a bowl of nuts between them. Lindsay already knew they weren't staying much longer; all she wanted was a beer on his couch and the game on his TV.

"Thank you for coming tonight." She said, giving one of the few genuine smiles of the night.

"I'm gonna make it up to you, you know."

"What?"

He leaned in closer. She could smell his cologne. The music seemed to quieten. "For not having your back. We're partners, I should've said yes to begin with."

"Don't worry about it," She replied, brushing it off but feeling something burn inside of her at the way his eyes stayed on hers.

The corner of his mouth twitched and his eyes crinkled slightly. And somewhere between his gaze and the breath that hitched in her throat, Erin didn't realise that the song had been changed from something upbeat and dancey to slow and soft.

"Come on." Jay stood up fairly abruptly, buttoning the front of his blazer and reaching out a hand to Erin. "Let's dance."

She snorted and looked up at him. "You don't dance."

"I guess tonight's an exception."

Lindsay rolled her eyes and slid her palm onto his. Lifting her body from her chair, she followed him to the centre of the dance floor, where he pressed their bodies together as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

Her arms slipped around Jay's neck and his palms slid to her waist. Their bodies were held tight together, and Erin noted that it should've felt awkward being pressed so tightly to her partner. On the contrary, it was anything but. The heat from his body radiated through hers, his cologne encompassing her in a way that made her move an inch closer, if it were possible.

"I forgot to tell you, you look great." Halstead said after a few beats, looking down with shining eyes.

She looked past him for a second and to the group of single girls in the corner, all undeniably drooling over her partner. Yeah, his suit wasn't half bad. "Thank you. You're... semi-decent, too."

She bit her lip to hold back a smile as he rolled his eyes, all the while their bodies moved soft and slow with each other.

"And I just want you to know..." He carried on, his voice faltering ever so slightly. "You're better than all these people, Erin. You don't have a thing to prove."

She let out a breath that she'd been holding in all night and shot him a look that said it all; how much he meant to her, how light her heart was when her hand was in his, how good it felt to have soft music in her ear with his hands on her waist.

Failing to find words, Erin tucked her face into his neck and pressed herself impossibly close to him. She could feel his lips on her ear, and decided in that moment that if he were to whisper something, she'd melt right in front of him.

They moved with each other until the song ended, and when it did something sunk inside of both detectives. Eventually relinquishing their arms from each other, Lindsay stood and looked into the warm eyes of Jay. And for the first time in a while, Voight's 'no in-house romance' rule slipped entirely from her mind.

Then he kissed her. On the dance floor, in between songs, hard on her lips. He kissed her like he'd been doing it forever, and Erin wished he would be.

The kiss ended sooner than they would've liked, but Jay kept his face close to hers. Her hands were rested on his arms to steady herself and there was a mischievous glint in his eye.

"You wanna get out of here?"

Her jaw twitched as she held onto the smile, having only one answer on her mind. "Oh, definitely."


	13. You Taught Me To Follow My Heart

**So it appears as though I don't update in forever and then update with super speed! Sorry about that guys. But I have been working on this one for a while, and I have to say I'm fairly happy with how it's turned out.**

**Again, I feel as though I've gone to town on this one (it's nearly 5k words so I guess I got kind of carried away!) but I hope you won't mind.**

**As far as the timeline goes, I see this one a couple of months from the last episode, ignoring the whole job offer plotline.**

**Credit goes out to devanlanier in suggesting:**

_**"You taught me to follow my heart even if in doing so I break the rules... Well, he is my heart... So screw your rules!"**_

* * *

They'd been sneaking around for the past three and a half months. And it was bliss.

Erin was always the worst at the relationships, or so she figured. She'd always struggled with the intricities of dating; compromising on petty arguments and letting him pay for dinner. Not freaking out when he gave her the bottom drawer to his side table and leaving a spot for his toothbrush in her bathroom. Entwining their bodies on the sofa for hours on end and getting used to him having a side of the bed.

Not that she didn't love all those things; they actually managed to bring out a side to Erin she didn't even know existed. She just wasn't good at being in a relationship. Especially one that was virtually illegal in the eyes of her Sergeant.

With Voight still being on full alert for any budding romance, both Lindsay and Halstead took extra care in their escapades. They didn't carpool, even when spending the night at the same apartment, and they didn't leave with each other. And they considered to be doing a pretty good job at keeping their relationship under wraps.

Yet Erin felt herself crumbling; straining under the yearning of the honeymoon phase of a relationship. For the ten hour days they spent at the precinct, she found herself aching to touch his fingertips and brush her lips against his in passing. And she could see a new found hesitancy burning in his eyes when she vested up. She felt a same worry in the pit of her stomach whenever she heard shots firing with Halstead around.

Still, she cared for him in the best way that she could. She texted him frequently, even when he was only feet from her, and they'd take numerous detours on non-urgent cases. They'd pull into an empty parking lot somewhere and make out for as long as they could get away with, stealing the seconds with every kiss. It was feverous and exciting, and Erin felt on fire with every time his eyes flashed in her direction.

"Lindsay?"

Erin snapped out of her daze the minute she heard his voice. She was flicking through files and her mind managed to wander somewhere far away.

"Can you help me grab something from evidence lockup?" Jay continued, arms folded as he stood by his desk. Erin's eyes flickered around the room and no one seemed put off at all by Halstead's request. Her eyes went back to her partner, and she willed herself not to relinquish a grin at the hint of a smirk on his lips.

"Sure." She tried to keep her voice as steady as possible. She looked again, no one noticed.

As she followed him through the winding corridor, Erin found herself looking helplessly over her shoulder every couple of steps. She was certain paranoia was a regular feeling for her now.

But then everything melted away, the second Jay turned the knob to a side closet, so discreet you'd miss it if you weren't seeking it out. He flicked the door open, looking past Erin to ensure they were alone before slipping inside, Lindsay only a step beside.

A light flickered on and the second Erin's second foot stepped inside the minut room, and before she could utter a single word she'd been aching to let out to him all day, her back was pressed against the closed door and his lips were moving against hers.

She let out a grin against his lips, feeling a sense of craziness at how her whole body could melt at the action. His hands were at either side of her neck, his fingertips tangled in her loose hair.

Erin's hands moved unconsciously to his side, gripping the material of his shirt and tugging his body closer to hers. She tasted his smile as stars exploded on his tongue. And when he finally broke them free, he uttered a single word that managed to make everything inside of her quiver.

"Hi."

His gaze travelled upwards from her lips to her eyes. They crinkled at the edges.

"Hi." She rasped back.

"How's your day?"

"Oh, you know, kinda boring. Plus there's this cute guy on the desk opposite me. He's a real distraction."

She felt his smile before she saw it. And there was a storm in his eyes that she was certain she wanted to get caught in.

"'Cute', huh? Sounds a little like the distraction I've got opposite me."

He was moving closer again, and within seconds she felt his hot lips land on her neck. She was tingling all over and felt that her knees would buckle at any given second.

"Really?" She whispered in response, trying her hardest to maintain composure. Every kiss against the soft skin of her neck let out an earthquake in her body. "Tell me more..."

His stubble slid against her, and she tried to hide the moan threatening to seep out. Like always, Jay had all the right things to say, and spoke in even intervals between landing kisses that trailed toward her lips.

"Well, for starters, she's the smartest person I've ever met..." His lips dipped just beneath her jaw. "And she has the biggest heart..." The line of her jaw softened the minute his lips made contact. "And she's deadly with a shotgun..." He was holding the other side of her jaw, stopping her from melting under his touch. "And... She's sexy as hell..."

His tongue was in her mouth, pushing against hers in a constant battle for dominance. She was smiling again, and Jay noted that he could kiss Erin Lindsay's smile for the rest of his life.

"Sounds like you hit the jackpot." She mumbled against his mouth, the smile never dropping.

"I'm pretty sure I did."

Erin had no idea that she could feel like this; like her heart was pounding so hard against her ribcage it was going to break free at any moment. That when he was holding her face with his only inches from hers, everything for once in her life felt put together. As though everything that had happened to her in her life had led her to that exact moment with him.

He was still smiling and so was she, and their hands never left one other.

"So..." Jay began softly. "You're still coming over tonight, right?"

The smile slipped from Erin's lips and she felt her heart drop into her chest for a second. With a sigh, she tilted her head apologetically and hoped he'd understand.

"Rain check on tonight? Voight asked if I had plans, and I had to tell him I was free."

Halstead took a swayed step back from her with a look of hurt on his face. She guessed he'd be subtly pissed, but she never thought she'd see it so evident on his face.

"Would you have wanted me to say I was going over to your's for a night of food, beer and sex?" She asked with a laugh, expecting him to join in with a smile, tell her it was fine then kiss her for another 5-10 minutes. But he still wasn't smiling. He was looking deep into her eyes as though wanting to draw something out.

"Maybe not phrased exactly like that, but... Yeah."

"Are you crazy?" She blurted out, incredulous.

Erin and Jay had always had the same understanding, or so she thought. Both understood the risk they were taking, and took that risk regardless. Both loved their jobs and both knew that Voight finding out would be the worst case scenario. Because that meant if not one of them, both would lose their jobs.

And yet Jay was standing there, his eyes wide and hopeful as he uttered the unbelievable. Erin felt dizzy all of a sudden.

"Do you realise how stupid that would be, to tell him."

"So... What? We hide out in closets and sneak around in the dark for the rest of our lives? You could do that?"

She ran fingers through her hair, wondering how she went from moaning with his tongue in her mouth to listening to him talk about forever. Erin had never been good at forever. And she probably never would be.

"Where did all this come from?" She asked, or more appropriately, demanded. Things were getting too real, too fast. "We're just having fun here, how can you be talking about the rest of our lives?"

"I just need to know that telling him is a possibility... Someday. I need to know that you're as into this as I am."

Her head dropped to the side, her expression softening. Her hands sought out the curve of his neck and tugged him closer, against his rigidity. "Hey, come on, you know-"

"Look, I know how important he is to you, and I know what he's done for you. I just... I need to know if there's ever gonna come a time where I'm as important to you as he is."

"Jay... You know his rule, okay. You know what he said." Jay's eyes fell and she held her grip tighter, her thumb running across his jaw. "Look, whatever this is with me and you... I... It's good. It's great, actually. So if sneaking around in a few closets means we get to keep our jobs, I think this is what we should do."

He stopped for a second, and so did her heart. And then it gave one bold beat when he stepped back and her fingertips fell from his skin. He met her eyes again and she could see the pain in his.

"I don't know if this is enough."

Her jaw tightened in sadness, anger, frustration. "I can't give you any more than I am already giving!"

And that's what was most frustrating. Erin had always struggled to let people in, to let them see inside of her. But then Jay came along and he made it seem so easy. And she bled out everything she could to let him see her to her core, and now he said that wasn't enough.

He let out a sigh that shuddered through his whole body, and his eyes looked heavy all of a sudden. She watched his jaw tense and his gaze lift back to her.

"I think we should stop this for a while."

She wondered if he could hear the sound of her heart breaking. Whether he could hear the way something seemed to shatter inside of her.

She guessed he couldn't, because thirty seconds later, he was walking out of the closet; their small, private, world of bliss into the harsh reality of the workplace. He walked out, but Erin couldn't find the heart to.

* * *

They usually gave it thirty seconds. It was normally Erin who left first; she'd kiss him hard and peel her lips from his in a way she knew he'd be aching for more, because she was too. And then she'd leave their little cupboard and find her way back to her desk, slipping herself back into the real world as she wiped the taste of him from her lips.

This time, she waited four minutes. And it shook her.

She'd never felt her chest quiver like that because of a guy. She'd never felt like a part of her was torn because of a guy. She'd never felt her world was in turmoil because of a guy.

Maybe because Jay was never just 'a guy.'

When she felt somewhat composed, Lindsay slipped out of the discrete closet and made her slow way back to her desk. She felt her partner's eyes on her as she sunk into her chair, and she hoped to god she didn't look as bad as she felt.

She reopened the file she was looking at and stared aimlessly at the endless sheets of paper.

There was a small part of her, a part that she'd managed to squash down so small she wasn't even sure was still there, that told her to forget about her pride and go along with Halstead's somewhat reasonable request of telling Voight.

But then another part of Erin Lindsay, the part she considered to be rational, told her to suck it up. To stop thinking about rearranging her life for a relationship that never had a chance. When they first found each other in that sense, when she first kissed him on the snowy pavement under the hazy streetlight, she knew deep down that it was doomed from that very second. She'd been warned by everyone that you can't mix work and pleasure. And maybe she was an idiot for thinking she could.

* * *

Antonio and Adam began packing up at 7.30. And Erin watched as Jay was close behind. His computer was shutting down and he stood slowly from his desk. She tried her hardest not to make eye contact, to not let her chest shatter all over again.

Instead she somehow found the courage to grab the wad of files from her desk and walk briskly past them all, heading to evidence lockup with nothing more than a faded, "night guys"," leaving her lips as she passed Dawson and Ruzek.

When making it to evidence, Erin steadied herself on the counter, taking a few sharp breaths as she ran her fingers through her loose waves. She couldn't even begin to contemplate why she was feeling so sick. She couldn't fathom why watching Jay walk out of those doors would certainly fracture everything within her.

_Deep breath._

_Get over it._

_Deep breath._

_He's just a guy._

_Deep. Breath._

All she got was lightheaded. It passed quickly, and she was soon flicking through the files she'd been rumaging through for most the day. Her fingertips trailed their edges and she looked aimlessly through them all.

"Uhm, Detective?" She looked up sharply, hardening whatever temporary soft expression she was sporting.

It was only Burgess, but Erin remained composed nonetheless.

"Burgess. Hey."

Her eyes went back down to the cabinet in front of her.

"Hey, I just... I, uh..." Kim's nervous tendencies were shining through. "I just saw Halstead leaving..."

"Good for him." Erin mumbled absently, her voice thick with sarcasm. She wasn't sure why she was getting briefed on the actions of her partner, but she didn't question it and instead kept her head down.

"And, I just... I wanted to say that if you ever wanted to talk about it, or..."

"Talk about what, Burgess?" Erin challenged, eyes squinted.

She gulped and hesitated before answering. "I know about you and Halstead. Being... Together."

Lindsay paused and held her breath for the briefest second. Then her jaw set and her teeth managed to grit. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Kim took a step forward, despite the cold tone. "I know it's not my place-"

"You're right, it's not your place. It's not your business either." Erin snapped. "So take these files down to Platt, and don't talk to me about this again."

Although Lindsay didn't falter, she couldn't deny the drop in her stomach the minute she said it. She was projecting onto Kim, who didn't deserve that.

But like any decent person, Burgess simply nodded and collected the three files left by Erin on the counter. She moved quick in swiping the papers and headed for the door without giving her superior a second glance.

With an internal sigh and permanent anger at herself, Erin called back the officer before she could leave the room. "Burgess."

Kim stopped and turned around, no trace of anger or annoyance present on her face. _God_, Erin thought. _How do people do that? How do people just hold in their anger instead of spewing it out like fire?_

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, detective." Kim replied lightly. There was no irritation of malice in her use of 'detective', only respect. It made Erin feel even worse for her outburst.

They maintained eye contact, and for one of the first times in her life, Erin yearned for the company. She craved for a girlfriend with whom she could share the troubles that were gathering in her mind. And Kim was looking at her like she could be that confidant.

"You wanna know how I could tell?" Burgess eventually went on, after seeing something in Erin's eyes. Lindsay nodded, despite herself. "You're happier. And I know that's crazy, because we're not that close and I only see you for about twenty minutes every day... But you're happier. I can tell. And I think that means that whatever you two have... It's worth fighting for."

Erin let the words settle in her head. She didn't think she'd ever had something worth fighting for. Except maybe her job, which ironically was what compromised with the other important thing in her life.

She faltered for a few moments and for a while, let the hopefulness consume her in a way she hadn't before.

"Yeah, well... Doesn't matter anyway." She dropped her head back to the cabinet and began flicking through again. She could feel the burning eyes of the officer on her. "It's over."

"Already."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Lindsay bit her lip and looked up. And despite wanting to stick to her promise of keeping it secretive, she needed the release of it all.

"He wanted me to tell Voight. Or know that I _would_ tell him. One day." She couldn't help but notice the irony in her uttering the words, 'one day'.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I called him crazy and he ended it." She stated bluntly, feeling a sickness as she revisited it.

"Just like that?

"Just like that."

Erin could hear Kim hesitating; wanting to say something but not having the courage to. Lindsay had been there before.

"And you just let him go?"

Erin looked up sharply at Burgess. "I didn't have much of a choice. He wants to tell Voight, and... I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's suicide." Erin snorted, trying her hardest to hold herself together. "Because we'd both be out of a job."

"You don't know that," Kim countered, stepping forward as her tone softened. "You don't know how he'd react..."

"Trust me, I do."

They were silent for a while. And while her broken body began crumbling under the strain, Erin felt oddly at ease with Kim still there.

"Well," Burgess started eventually, her quiet voice barely cutting through the air. "You should just ask yourself whether or not it's worth the risk, and... And if it is, I think you should know that you can work past this."

Erin's face softened, and she bowed her head slightly as Kim turned to leave. She felt all talked out for the day, but as the officer neared the door, Lindsay felt as though she had one more thing to say.

"Burgess." Kim stopped in her tracks and turned. "You and Ruzek... Is that something worth fighting for?"

Fear flashed across her face for half a second, realising her secret relationship was suddenly not-so-secret. Then her face seemed to relax and the glistening hint of a smile spread across her lips. And Erin could do nothing but admire the way in which Burgess spoke in anything but a whisper, not stopping in her tracks to check over her shoulder at the sight of a superior, not afraid.

"One hundred percent."

She hovered for a moment longer, the twitching of her lips carrying on long after the words were uttered. And long after she was gone, Erin still couldn't find the strength to breathe.

* * *

She was sitting at her desk, eyes landing heavily on an empty space across from her.

Her mind was running laps, racing at a speed that caused her brain the thump throughout her whole body. With a dry mouth, she tried to figure out what to say. How to say it. What would happen when she did.

But her words dissolved into nothingness in her mind.

"Hey, kid." She looked up sharply when Voight was closing his office door, sliding his arms into his jacket. "You ready for that drink?"

This was it. This was her moment. The throbbing intensified. She gulped.

"I had plans for tonight." She said, somewhat blurting out the words.

It was dark by this point, and a shadow haunting Hank's presence certainly wasn't helping her confidence in the moment. He hadn't said anything, so she pushed on.

"I had plans..." She stood up from her chair. "With Halstead."

Hank hitched an eyebrow, but failed to move or utter a word.

"In fact... I've had plans with Halstead for the past two or three months."

"What are you talking about, Lindsay?"

She gulped. Lindsay. Things never went well when he called her Lindsay.

It would still be so easy to back out in that moment. She could force a laugh, and let him believe she was setting up a really bad joke. But like always, the scent of Jay was on her. And the taste of Jay was on her. And everything good about him, was on her. And she suddenly wasn't so afraid.

"We're together." She stated, unwavering.

"Didn't I make things clear enough?" He barked, his anger already rising. "Do you realise that this is my unit? That I make the rules here?" He was stepping closer, his voice grating with every step he took. "You've left-"

"A string of broken hearts, yeah, I get that." She finished, echoing his words that never left her mind. "But... This is different, Hank, this is-"

"This is you and him," He spat the word like venom. "playing house. I put everything on the line to get you this job. To save you. And you can't follow one simple rule?"

It felt like a slap. Her jaw hardened and a sickness settled in her stomach. She couldn't believe he was throwing it back in her face.

"You know how grateful I am..." She said after a few seconds, willing herself not to get angry. "For everything. But... Enough with this rule."

She pictured Jay, scruffy and soft on her sofa, sipping a beer as he shot her a lopsided grin. How he'd bring his smooth hands to the nape of her neck when drawing her in, and how he'd then settle his fingertips loosely on her hip or thigh, someplace that he knew would drive her crazy. How he'd wanted to tell Voight, despite all of this. Despite the consequences.

It was quiet now, but Erin could practically hear Hank's mind pulsing. "You practically raised me. You taught me what it was like to have a family. You taught me to work hard to get where I want to be. You taught me to follow my heart even if in doing so I break the rules..." She could hear her voice trailing off, and hoped he was hanging onto her words. "Well, he is my heart..." She bit her lip, meeting Hank's stare. "So screw your rules." With a painfully sombre tone, she finally did it. She finally fought for Jay.

She grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair and let her feet take her.

"Whatever you have to do..." She stopped to look at him. "Just... Just know that he's worth it. He's always been worth it."

And with that, she was gone.

* * *

She sat in her car, fingertips tapping on the steering wheel erratically. She was just outside of his building, and could see the light on in his apartment.

Her stomach was doing somersaults and there were a few instances where Erin felt as though a vomiting episode out of the car window was soon to ensue. But it passed. Eventually.

She ran cold fingertips through the roots of her hair, tugging on it as she fisted it at the crown of her head.

_Come on._

She'd never done this; the whole cliched climax to a love story. This was the part where everything was supposed to fit and make sense. Where the pieces of her heart that had been fractured for so long found their broken way back to each other.

But what if it wasn't?

What if a broken heart couldn't mend itself like that? Or worse, what if she was ready to fix the aching in her chest, but this wasn't what Jay wanted?

She pushed the thoughts from her mind, forcing herself out of the car. Each step was a struggle, the bile thickening in the pit of her stomach as the icy wind caught in her chest. She pushed her way in, hitting the elevator button with shaky fingertips. After what felt like forever, the doors heaved open and with all the strength she could muster, Erin stepped in. She stepped into the new reality where she put someone above her job.

She was on his floor within seconds, on the same corridor that she'd spent most nights for the past three months. She stood blankly in front of the door she'd become so accustomed to. Her fingertips trailed the solid wood, and before she could let herself back out of it, her knuckles tapped three times, hard.

With shallow breathing, Erin waited. She waited like Jay had waited for 'one day'. She waited with butterflies in her stomach and a longing for his taste on her lips. And then, just like that, the waiting was over.

"Hey." She said shakily the second the door was swung open.

He was wearing the same thin black sweater from earlier, curved at the collar and rolled up slightly at the sleeves. He sported the same black jeans and the same thick, tousled hair.

"Hey." He replied. His eyes were sad and Erin thought that her heart might break all over again.

"I was wrong." She managed to blurt out. Jay hitched an eyebrow, pushing her forward. "I told him. I told Voight. And there's a good chance I'm getting fired tomorrow, but... But I don't care. I mean, I obviously care... But when I'm thinking about you, and us... I don't care. I should've told you that earlier, but I was afraid. I'm still afraid, here, right now... But you make me braver somehow. So I'm choosing you. Over everyone, I'm choosing you. So now you know that I'm as into this as you are. I'm in. I'm all in."

He let her ramble, he let her heart pour out everything she'd been holding in. And when she finished, he kissed her. Hard. With both his hands cradling either side of her face, and for the first time, being able to hear her heart beat right next to his.

"Say it again." He whispered after a lifetime, her lips numb from a bruising kiss.

"I'm all in." She started, but stopped when he shook his head softly. He flashed that goofy grin she didn't know she craved until that very second. His nose was grazing hers, and she finally understood what he wanted. A grin took hold of her face as she rasped back, "I was wrong."

He was smiling in her mouth, really smiling.

"I was wrong. I was wrong." She chanted it in a slow whisper as she kissed him. Over and over and over again.

And when she was done kissing him, he uttered a single phrase back, so quiet she could barely catch it from his lips. "All in."

* * *

**I hope I'm not being too modest in saying this is probably one of the better chapters I've written, so please drop me a review telling me how you found it!**

**(I 100% admit that if this was a full fic it would've gone a lot smoother, and I could've added more to it, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.)**


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